All Comments on 'Dammit'

by LordofAoD

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  • 12 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Mercy on your readers, get an editor?

where/wear

lied/lay

Your profile says you're published elsewhere? In another language, perhaps?

I mean, lied is 'to tell a lie, in the past tense'.

Can you read the sentence, 'Where were you when you were wearing your werewolf costume?' Apparently you couldn't write it. So get an editor.

I don't know if your story was good or not. Too much bad English in the way.

CuntBoyCuntBoyabout 12 years ago
Really Good

Forget the nazis, a few spelling and grammer mistakes are nothing when you have a truly good story. The characters were a bit under-developed but the action (the only part that really counts) was really good and I gave it a five because of it!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Crap

Sorry, but that's the right word for poorly-written, unedited shite writing.

RockyStoneRockyStoneabout 12 years ago
Different

Reference: A skirt normally begins at the waist and covers downward. A dress is worn over the chest, torso, and legs. I've never seen a female pop her boobs out of a skirt unless she pulled it over her head (nitpicking I know). Impressive number of orgasms in what appears to be a little more than an hour (5). There was a female object named Sarah identified as sister that had no face, hair, legs of some kind assumed, and two hands. Sarah has lips, throat, tits, ass, pussy, and two hands. I may have left out Sarah's eyes and other odd bits. Sarah is a fearless virgin that pops her cherry by sitting on her brother's cock that is bigger than imagined. I decided the unknown male thing named bubby has a normal size cock around six inches. Bubby has lips, eyes, tongue, hands, bigger than imagined cock, and probably legs.

What I'm getting at here is there is no real descriptions for a person to use to depict in the mind. The importance of the brother's work to take home is lost to me. Why mention a detail of description that is meaningless? The unknown cock was sucked to orgasm, then fucked by a tight pussy to orgasm. What kind of action is that anyway? It's suck and fuck, but how was it done besides causing an orgasm. He did get some tongue action on the head of his cock. The story is devoid of any meaningful description that involves the reader. There is that word thing of "lied", but you've been set straight on that.

You have a good story line for the most part. The story needs way more thought put in to involve people more than the act of reading. Describe the cute sister that wears nearly nothing to entice her brother. Meaning describe the virgin titties as to what cup size may be and nipples of unknown size and type. Plainly; try making this a story. I don't mean to sound cruel, but Dammnit give me something to read.

RS

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
agree with other commenter

also you don't check to see if the BLANKETS are clean you check the SHEETS and when you get a pizza it comes precut unless frozen from the super market. GET A GOOD EDITOR AND DO A REWRITE BUT DELETE THIS ONE FIRST. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A WHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND NEVER POST A STORY WITHOUT GOING THROUGH A GOOD EDITOR FIRST.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
beastly

it was a good story people stop hatin ur prolly wankin off to this story any way but nice story

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
I'm gonna blow!!!

A character said that, but I think he was referring to the story.

"I'm about you cum!"

WTF Now I'm bucking erraticially!

Damnit! My semi-hard meat would rather take a shower with Jerry Sandusky than cuddle up with Sarah.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Are you of age?

This read like a 13 yr old fantasy. Why the opening? I stopped at the dialog of the sister in the shower. Really bad. I repeat, really bad.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Really pretty good

Yeah, it reads like a fantasy, but so what? There's some good, if primitive, action in here. The author shows promise.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
This is a great story of a brother and sister getting real close.

I love stories where the big brother fucks his kid sister. Here it's sis who's hot for her brother's big stiff prick, but her bro learns to appreciate sis's cute little slit real quick. A sister's cunt is the perfect place for any guy to unload his brotherly balls.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Jesus Pill-popping Christ....

What the fuck did I just read????????? Are you chemically stunted??! You just toss out this bullshit like ; "Man, that cooky girl sure is keeping track of me,haha! Makes sense 'cause she's a RAPE BABY. Wonder what's for dinner?"

You moronic dipshit. This is TERRIBLE. Do us all a favor, ok? Spend a lot of money on writing courses. Then hire a good editor. Then decide to do something else and let people who have an OUNCE of talent write instead.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
womb

you CAN NOT penetrate into a womb.

Anonymous
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