Great start --- please keep up the good writing.
Sane authors and sane readers could not like this kind of garage. Strongly suspect author is a 15 year old boy.
or ASSURES? the first makes no sense
You really don't need to continue. But then again when I see your name I will avoid future reads.This is Fetish my friend. Cuckold garbage
someone supposedly writing about his wife should probably know if she has blue or hazel eyes.....
What the hell are the question marks for? You do not write in complete sentences and your punctuation is horrible. Find an editor.
The intro info could be cut down to 1/3 or 1/4 as much space (are you writing a novel or an erotic story to get your reader off). Also, if they got that excited about fantasizing about another guy taking her, shouldn't Manny be out-of-control with lust to fuck her immediately after the other guy finishes with her? Is Manny a wimp cuckold or a manly cuck? A manly cuck wants to fuck his wife afterwards to "remark" her as his. This story should end as they climax in that coupling. Leave the self-loathing, questioning and regret for the next chapter.
In order to avoid losing interest from potential readers, sometimes when I write about other heritage people, I use to do a fast approach about their looks to make them "enjoyable" for the readers. Saddly , and not just for being mexican, but I need to get upset about your poor approach or what you implies when you say, that not all latins looks like mexicans... and then skip to stupid excuses alleging that this lady looks like an austrian or norwegian. In all our latin american countries we have mixed races. Colombia has Sofias or Davalos Twin Sisters, Argentina has Evangelina or Rocio Guirao; Mexico, Salma, Ana, Mayte and many others... So, please don´t be a racist and just embrace your roots as they are, if not, if you are so ashamed about them dont write almost asking for forgiveness for being Latin american or "having a Latin Wife"... Instead of that entitle your next chapterwith something like "My born in Latin America, yet NOT LatinAmerican but Almost European Wife"
I must remark that im not angry about the subject of the story that I enjoy so much, but uoset about the poor selfesteem that you show in this story, especially when you say that is almost a miracle that this lady could still not being caught by some saxon...
Shame on you. ( Ludo_mentis@msn.com )
Well written with the wife trying to understand and please her husband and his desires. Wonder where the story will go and how the married couple will handle this situation that has just happened and what will it do to them.
Lots of misuse of homonyms (or near homonyms, such as bazaar for bizarre), but the 'Colombian' author frequently interchanges Columbia as the country name (although the US university is always correctly spelled). BTW - totally agree with comments on intro length and excessive explanation.
great please send the rest to email@example.com
I know all this is just fiction trying to evolve in something better, but when an author tries to create some much background including aspects of foreign cultures or characters is mandatory to do some serious investigation or better skip it at all.
Ther´s quite a difference between being Colombian and Columbian. The river that separates USA from Mexico its named Rio Grande, besides of that, in spanish language and to be more precise, in "mexican spanish" there is nothing remotely similiar to that expresion "Street trash" . and last of all this, trust me on this one turism employes from any well respected resort knows quite well how to speak english and fully expects that anyone who talks to them speak both languages.
Just try to do a better effort next time, so, even being erotic fiction, your stories could be more credibles.
Very hot stuff, though some judicious editing for spelling/grammar wouldn't go wrong. Still very enjoyable to read. Would love to read the rest of this or any of your other stories. firstname.lastname@example.org
Hey I really enjoyed that story, it progressed exactly right, you can send the rest to email@example.com
I think this ewas the hottest i have read here..please send me the whole 23 chapters please i can't wait to read more. The best is on these pages
Having read your other 6 stories I find this one could be the hottest yet. Keep up your good writing and look forward to the finish of this one and more from you. 5 star ++++++
love to read the rest
very true to life. I have lived this with my both of my wives. Our life style did not cause the divorce and was one of the better parts of the marriage. Newbie is true to life for those of us in the lifestyle.
i definitely want to read the rest firstname.lastname@example.org
it is breed and not bread !! you have lot in common with your north american brothers, who like to see their wives fucked by others. email@example.com
really enjoyed the slow start.....most of the resorts in mexico that i have been too the ladies are wearing pantyhose. I really enjoyed the voyeur aspect but wished it had waited maybe another time before she gave in.. would love to read more...great detail and story firstname.lastname@example.org Absolutely loved your new years story and have been waiting for more in that storyline
Just discovered your stories. This is as good as I expected and look forward to the rest. I like the fact that, while his encouraging her to flirt more had something to do with it, it was HER who went too far and took it to the next level by letting that guy get all over her. You're bringing her along very nicely and heightening the eroticism. Very good. email@example.com
Look forward to reading the rest!
I've been reading your stories and they're getting better, I just think that in this particular one you toned down the seduction angle too much. In your other stories there's an underline seduction theme that adds to the story more than the voyeur angle. Anyway I'm interested in the rest of the story so
good story, would love to read the rest of it. firstname.lastname@example.org
Impressed by your exquisite detail to the environment and the thoughts from each character
Please continue, Your my favorite writer on here and ignore Anon as they clearly feel insecure about their own sexuality to find fault with your stories.
Well written. Very hot. Thanks a bunch.
Plaease send more......email@example.com
The scene on the boat dock was wonderful, and the wife teasing and squeezing the husband into admitting he wanted to see "more" was beyond erotic.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest...Please.
email rest to firstname.lastname@example.org
Looking for the rest of the 23 chapters PLUS the last part of "The Unaffordable Vacation." (Been looking for that one "forever!" Ha!) Keep up the great descriptions and story lines! email@example.com Thank you!
pleases send me rest of the story. email is firstname.lastname@example.org
thanks and please keep writing.
Job well done!! Please do continue writing..love ur story's plotting.. If u don't mind, do send me the rest of the story at email@example.com Thanks!! Really appreciate it..
any chance of the rest of the story (firstname.lastname@example.org) also do you have an update for the unaffordable vacation?
A fine "hot wife" tale. Great build-up, and solid sex. Vivid!!
What a nice story. If u don't mind please send the rest of the story to my email email@example.com Thank u very much!!! And please keep on writing.
Excellent read, always looking forward to your next story...
Please do send the rest of the chapters to firstname.lastname@example.org
And I really do look forward to seeing the rest of "unaffordable vacation"
I would love the remaining chapters! Nice slow build as always. email@example.com
I'm always checking your profile for updates. Your stories always have the right mix of apprehension and excitement. I'd love any additional chapters of this one and Wife Watching Fantasy Too Far or anything else you've got! firstname.lastname@example.org
This is so very hot! Please, send the rest of the story to email@example.com. Great story. Right up there with Three Days!
Please send me the rest of the story. very hot stuff. firstname.lastname@example.org
An amazing, wonderful story! Please do share more! email@example.com
You really know how to capture the attention of your readers and the passions of your characters. I would love to read the rest of this hot story. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please send them to email@example.com
Your earlier stories from 2009 are some of my favorite ever. However the ones you've been writing lately (this one included) just feel like you're trying too hard and writing too much (5 pages? Chapters 1-8?). They're just not of the same quality. Sorry to be so critical but I was really looking forward to your new stories, yet found them to be akin to the Star Wars prequel... too much drawn out chatter.
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