A Perfect Night

Hmmm.

It was good, but I felt like a scene was missing. It started out slowly and looked like it would have room for getting to know the women a bit. We don't get inside Dani's head much, especially her thoughts about her sexuality. All we get is some vague physical reaction to Jen coming on to her on the dance floor, but there isn't any of her inner reaction to the come on. Was she excited, turned on, confused, interested, weirded out, curious?? Your story has a good plot and some fairly hot sex, but without this other information it loses substance, tends toward mechanical.
Your dialog is good enough. Take us to the next chapter with Jen and Dani, perhaps the next morning. Let us into one of their heads. If you can get us there, we'll practically feel the orgasm with her. Mmmm, I can hardly wait.

response

Thank you for commenting. :) As you can tell I've only written two stories. I love the feedback. Always have room for improvement and to help readers. I was thinking of keeping the two characters Jen and Dani. Keep going with it. Definitely more descriptions and back story. Thanks for reading and I take your words into considerations! Xo

Very hot,

But I really was disappointed at the end, I didn't expect it to cut off there.

Other than that, it was very sexy.

Nice story, your a great writer.