Berserker Child Ch. 01

your story begins well...

but your use of English is horrible. your spelling, punctuation, use of spell check and proof reading are either terrible or non existent. you need to take a lot more care.

Like it so far

Just wish it was a bit longer.

great but . . .

As some have said, too short and the spelling/grammar is pretty bad at times. I really like the story so far though, maybe pick up an editor and submit stuff 2-3 times as long. That would be my preference anyway.

I think you have an interesting story to tell but you desperately need an editor. I'd like to see you get one through the site or ask for volunteers. I think you will do a good job telling a story but it has to be cleaned up of basic grammatical errors and such. Keep writing. i hope you will also explain what type of society/people we are dealing with. Are they a council of 'other' races beside humans? What type of society does she live in? Why was she even allowed to try to become a warrior as a female? Who is this Darius? I really hope you will tell us more about these intersting characters and the world you are creating. Details, details, details are what draw the reader in and help the story come alive. I look forward to seeing where you take this. Also, be sure to define 'berserker' for those who aren't used to this genre or haven't come across the term.

this story needs editing!

Grammar, punctuation, proper quotation usage, word usage (you are is you're, not your). Things like this only take away from a good story, which this could be if you had an editor.