Good start. I like the idea of the story .Sometimes a girls gotta do what girls gotta do to live. Can't wait to see what happens next.
by
Anonymous02/13/12
definite potential but context is jarring
on the one hand i can see how this, as an erotic fantasy story could be interesting and sexy, but with the politics of SA and the reality of the life of youth, unemployment, income inequality etc it would've been great to frame a pay-for-sex story in another context (i.e. maybe Kholeka and somebody she already knows but would never have expected to have interest in her, e.g. her ex-boss or ex-co-worker as opposed to a stranger in a Porsche) looking forward to the next chapter!
I like it already. There's so many directions this can go, even this early on. I gotta know, so write the next one soon, OK? Oh, and as for the technical stuff, yeah there was some that was very noticeable (including one obvious one in your intro) but nothing distracting and nothing that can't be easily fixed. Not trying to be overly picky, but you asked for feedback, so there it is. I hope it's helpful. Good start to what I hope will be a great story.
English
*****
Five.
Good start.
Good start. I like the idea of the story .Sometimes a girls gotta do what girls gotta do to live. Can't wait to see what happens next.
definite potential but context is jarring
on the one hand i can see how this, as an erotic fantasy story could be interesting and sexy, but with the politics of SA and the reality of the life of youth, unemployment, income inequality etc it would've been great to frame a pay-for-sex story in another context (i.e. maybe Kholeka and somebody she already knows but would never have expected to have interest in her, e.g. her ex-boss or ex-co-worker as opposed to a stranger in a Porsche) looking forward to the next chapter!
Good
It's starting off well. Can't wait to read more...
Good start
I like it already. There's so many directions this can go, even this early on. I gotta know, so write the next one soon, OK? Oh, and as for the technical stuff, yeah there was some that was very noticeable (including one obvious one in your intro) but nothing distracting and nothing that can't be easily fixed. Not trying to be overly picky, but you asked for feedback, so there it is. I hope it's helpful. Good start to what I hope will be a great story.
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