Xander

Crap...

So many mistakes, shit. I can't even remember when I submitted this. I'll be submitting a corrected version.

DionysosK.

Good opening

Looks like a good opening won't complain about typos and shit but man your names in these storys lol nothing wrong with them just that they make me laugh a lot better then using normal names everyone sees all the time at least

I'll probably wait till you submit your updated version before rating this because wow this story was messy. Not just grammar and spelling, a lot of the descriptions and stuff that was happening were pretty haphazard.
Plot and universe-wise, not as compelling as your other story. Maybe subsequent chapters will be more interesting but as of now the character felt...weird (I don't know how to describe it), the flow of the story wasn't smooth and the energy of the protagonist was puzzling.
Something small was bugging me though, how come his sword can pierce the wall of the building easily, yet he can use it as a crutch?

I feel you.

I have to agree with you ladidah, this story sucks lol

I submitted it, but I thought I had stopped the submission. I'ma delete it, then repost it once I've worked on it a bit more.

PS : you should also wonder how it didn't pierce his skin when on his shoulder lol

Peace.

DionysosK

Very good keep up the good work, don't let others distract you.

Good start

Very interesting. I hope you do more.

Original decision.

Rather than deleting this, I'm just going to submit a heavily edited version. It will fundamentally be the same, but there will be rather large differences. I've already got an idea as to what will change, so just wait for a bit.

Thanks for reading it though.

DionysosK

concrete/asphalt

You seem to have a distorted look an how concrete and asphalt work, cause in all ur stories it seems to give way rather easily
They are generaly hard to break, shatter, or make craters in. But I'm nitpicking

Other than that, great storyline but could use some editing

He what?

Passed out from starvation... :)
I think you pass out from hunger, die from starvation. Anyways, nice work.

Come back soon?

These are great stories and I hope you return soon to update them. I assume you're still somewhat active since your account was updated a couple months ago and hope nothing majors happened to you.

I will be willing to edit any of your works.

Just send them to me as an attachment to Targetmgtpufnock@outlook.com