Tommy the Milker Ch. 01

VERY well written, can't wait for the continuation.

nice plot

I like the premise of the story but i HATE the spelling and grammar mistakes, it completely takes the "sexy" out of the story, its very distracting when you're reading stories to get off and you keep coming upon sentences that dont make sense. I'm not usually a grammar nazi but the good plot was ruined by the bad writing...maybe try working on that.

How much better

Like a previous commentor, I am not a member of the grammar and spelling police. I write here also and despite my best efforts know that mistakes happen, but the number of cases where the wrong tense of a word is used (like finish instead of finished or look instead of looked) or sentences with missing periods and commas make what would have been a compelling story instead read like a child is telling the tale.

If English is not your first language then that would explain much of that, in which case I suggest you get an editor. I am not trying to be harsh but I see a real good story here and am almost afraid to continue reading if the rest is like this. Four stars for the theme and potential.

I do have to agree with previous comments. What has the potential to be a great story needs a lot of editing. I also agree with Anon if English is not your first language then get someone to proof read your stories it is a good start and I will continue to read on.