A truly wonderful story. I really enjoyed it and added it to my favorites. I did find myself editing as I went though, might want to take a more careful look at the next story you do :-) (and I really hope there will be a next story!)
by
Anonymous03/12/12
the story had potential but was badly written, words were missing and it suddenly goes from him rubbing her feet to taking her to bed. sorry didn't like this story at all!
Good plot, good story line but really needs better proofing and a little better character development. You have the potential to be a good writer but little mistakes make it a more difficult read. I would personally like to see you give more info on the characters and tell us a little more about them. Proof read or have someone else proof read for missed words and grammatical errors. The opening hook was good and the story line was interesting. Keep writing.
by
Anonymous03/17/12
RULE NUMBER ONE...
...don't annoy your reader!
Too many missing words, or parts of words missing, the story takes a couple of odd jumps, etc.
Work with one of Lit's volunteer editors next time.
by
Anonymous03/21/12
Good potential
You've already been told about the errors. The jump between the knock at the door to bouncing the bedsprings was a liitle rushed. Slow down, give more background. Your characters are likeable, and sex scenes hot .
by
Anonymous04/12/12
It was an amazing story, loved the characters, and would love to read more!! I loved how the feelings were so mutual as well and how it all just fit perfectly! :)
by
Anonymous09/24/12
not new just lazy
your not a new writer here so you SHOULD know that your writing sucks and that you need to use a GOOD EDITOR every time you post. do the readers a favor and delete the story and run it through a good editor then repost it. as said by others don't piss off the readers and either do it right or not at all.
by
Anonymous11/13/13
Edit
It was a good story. But it cried out for editing/proof reading. The frequent mistakes in writing interfered with the enjoyment of the story. The characters could have used a little more history leading up to the evening of their first encounter. Keep it up. You have a good imagination. Just get a proof reader to eliminate the annoying mistakes.
English
PLEASE KEEP THE STORY GOING
Great Read
More Please
Good job.
Great story. Things go too quickly for my taste, but the sex was good.
Yes!
This is how I like a story to be. I would enjoy it a little more drawn out as well. I do hope there is more to come. I had to make that pun.
RS
Fabulous!!!!
A truly wonderful story. I really enjoyed it and added it to my favorites. I did find myself editing as I went though, might want to take a more careful look at the next story you do :-) (and I really hope there will be a next story!)
the story had potential but was badly written, words were missing and it suddenly goes from him rubbing her feet to taking her to bed. sorry didn't like this story at all!
Proofing needed
Good plot, good story line but really needs better proofing and a little better character development. You have the potential to be a good writer but little mistakes make it a more difficult read. I would personally like to see you give more info on the characters and tell us a little more about them. Proof read or have someone else proof read for missed words and grammatical errors. The opening hook was good and the story line was interesting. Keep writing.
RULE NUMBER ONE...
...don't annoy your reader!
Too many missing words, or parts of words missing, the story takes a couple of odd jumps, etc.
Work with one of Lit's volunteer editors next time.
Good potential
You've already been told about the errors. The jump between the knock at the door to bouncing the bedsprings was a liitle rushed. Slow down, give more background. Your characters are likeable, and sex scenes hot .
It was an amazing story, loved the characters, and would love to read more!! I loved how the feelings were so mutual as well and how it all just fit perfectly! :)
not new just lazy
your not a new writer here so you SHOULD know that your writing sucks and that you need to use a GOOD EDITOR every time you post. do the readers a favor and delete the story and run it through a good editor then repost it. as said by others don't piss off the readers and either do it right or not at all.
Edit
It was a good story. But it cried out for editing/proof reading. The frequent mistakes in writing interfered with the enjoyment of the story. The characters could have used a little more history leading up to the evening of their first encounter. Keep it up. You have a good imagination. Just get a proof reader to eliminate the annoying mistakes.
No,
I don't think I will.
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