All Comments on 'A Self Portrait Threw Mine Eyes'

what is suggested in the title.

Through, not threw. Synonyms can be a bitch, but it makes communication clearer.

The other commentators missed some juicy parts, at least as spelled here: for example, her orgasms "threw her little body" and in the last paragraph she was having sex with "Him"--God maybe?

Spelling is important if only to show respect for your readers and avoid distracting them with poor spelling.

Tossing your eyes, are you? 'Threw', indeed!

... is a beautiful thing. Particularly true when the one you want to love you is absent. You have a gift for description; I can see your form in my mind's eye, though curiously missing a face. She is a lovely creature, more than just a body of flesh and desires, but insecurities and pride, need and love. She is real, as though I could reach out and touch her. Though, should she turn around, in my mind's eye, I would find a mirror rather than a face.

The story captured my mind to give me such a solid metaphorical image. Well done.

As for criticism, the others have pointed out, in exhaustive detail, usage errors. Keep practicing, hone your command of language, and your story will gain in power enough to leave others panting along with the orgasm you described, ringing like a crystal bell in their minds... as though the story could be their very own memories.

Command of language is your stumbling block. Description is your bat, your sledgehammer.

Crush 'em!

I enjoyed reading this and agree with Brasstacks! Erotic descriptions!

She's a Goddess to her lover as well as to herself!

I hate to join the commentators whining about grammar, spelling and syntax, but they're correct. Your story would be helped by correcting some errors. And it also needs some work to help it be more interesting. I did not get any real "feeling" from it. Too clinical, not enough emotion. Kind of like your silly "Bio" page.

. . . mine eyes, but never mind that and a few other typos, this is a racy, detailed self-examination of a fleshy body and the thoughts which climax in masturbation. Along with all the metal adornments, it pierces to the core of her desires.

That was INTENSE! You have a way of arousing me with this amazing read!

Even thou it was only a page,it definitely did it for me.Great job Goddess hehe