But it has possibilities. Check your punctuation as well.
by
Anonymous03/17/12
not bad...could be better
the sex was not nearly descriptive enough...it was over far too quickly
by
Anonymous11/25/13
agree
you need to delete and make this three times longer. this needs more background as to who these people are. this needs more character development so we can tell what kind of people they are and make us want to see them together. this needs a longer and better plot the re was a sloppy rush to sex and the sex was not very well told. for people that hadn't seen each other in a while especially being relatives you need to build up to the sex much moreand much more slowly. at best this should have been an outline for chapter two of three, chapter one would tell the background this would tell this story BUT LONGER AND BETTER and three would continue from here. get a good editor and do a total rewrite.
English
Very Hot
That story was really amazing excellent job! Hopefully there is a second chapter!
Poor ending
But it has possibilities. Check your punctuation as well.
not bad...could be better
the sex was not nearly descriptive enough...it was over far too quickly
agree
you need to delete and make this three times longer. this needs more background as to who these people are. this needs more character development so we can tell what kind of people they are and make us want to see them together. this needs a longer and better plot the re was a sloppy rush to sex and the sex was not very well told. for people that hadn't seen each other in a while especially being relatives you need to build up to the sex much moreand much more slowly. at best this should have been an outline for chapter two of three, chapter one would tell the background this would tell this story BUT LONGER AND BETTER and three would continue from here. get a good editor and do a total rewrite.
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