The story was okay, but I feel that it could have been drawn out oh-so-much longer. It was over almost as soon as it began, which is in itself a sort of let-down. As a quick stroke story, it works, but I personally feel like you short-changed yourself, the story, the characters and your audience by wrapping it up so quickly.
Some questions go unanswered:
Where's the girl's mother? If Mandy is so sexy, does she have a boyfriend if only to keep up appearances, even though she secretly wants her father? Does Dad have a job where he has to focus and try his best not to think of his sexy daughter? Why was Mandy suddenly so interested in getting knocked up when it was only her first time to have sex? Speaking of her first time, why was there no pain- had her hymen been broken earlier in her young life or did she break it on purpose in anticipation of what she'd end up doing with her father?
Search within yourself and ask: could more of this story have been told? If your answer is yes, then why did you rush it? Don't be shy about taking your time, about exploring their relationship and lives together. Telling a longer story doesn't have to be boring, either- there can be teasing and a build-up. There can be a slow discovery of desire and interest. Next story you write, give it some thought. Your writing is relatively okay- but I think you are capable of doing worlds better. Do you?
by
Anonymous08/18/12
Too short!
The lead in was ok, but could have used more history to build it up. The sex was great, but ended too soon. And at the end, she said "Cum in me, and make me a baby". Then you stated that you spent many wonderful years together, doing each other. So. Did she ever get pregnant? (good thing). Did you both move to another town, so she could attend college, and you both could live together and have all the sex you wanted? And have as many babies as you wanted?
English
That went far too fast!
The story was okay, but I feel that it could have been drawn out oh-so-much longer. It was over almost as soon as it began, which is in itself a sort of let-down. As a quick stroke story, it works, but I personally feel like you short-changed yourself, the story, the characters and your audience by wrapping it up so quickly.
Some questions go unanswered:
Where's the girl's mother? If Mandy is so sexy, does she have a boyfriend if only to keep up appearances, even though she secretly wants her father? Does Dad have a job where he has to focus and try his best not to think of his sexy daughter? Why was Mandy suddenly so interested in getting knocked up when it was only her first time to have sex? Speaking of her first time, why was there no pain- had her hymen been broken earlier in her young life or did she break it on purpose in anticipation of what she'd end up doing with her father?
Search within yourself and ask: could more of this story have been told? If your answer is yes, then why did you rush it? Don't be shy about taking your time, about exploring their relationship and lives together. Telling a longer story doesn't have to be boring, either- there can be teasing and a build-up. There can be a slow discovery of desire and interest. Next story you write, give it some thought. Your writing is relatively okay- but I think you are capable of doing worlds better. Do you?
Too short!
The lead in was ok, but could have used more history to build it up. The sex was great, but ended too soon. And at the end, she said "Cum in me, and make me a baby". Then you stated that you spent many wonderful years together, doing each other. So. Did she ever get pregnant? (good thing). Did you both move to another town, so she could attend college, and you both could live together and have all the sex you wanted? And have as many babies as you wanted?
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