All Comments on 'Mexican Housekeeper/The Interview'

by bigguy_48

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  • 11 Comments
ag2507ag2507about 12 years ago
Please find an editor

Please find an editor who can spell. I enjoyed your story but occasionally had to stop to figure out what the xxx you were saying. ex. Bare when you meant bear as in bear a burden not bare naked; and alurer when you meant ulterior as in ulterior motive.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Tenses

Also tenses were mixed up. Past tense, then present, sometimes both in one sentence.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
Sexy story

Pay know attentio to comments and keep writtin g more sext stories. Very erotic tail. I would love it if she takes it up behind on desk or maybe a bj in the car. What a hot start.

sketty_langlandsketty_langlandabout 12 years ago
Couldn't read it

This might have developed into a good story, but your constant use of ampersands instead of the word "and", combined with your spelling mistakes made impossible for me to read.

Better luck with your next attempts.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
A good read all and all

I agree somewhat with the previous comments about your story. Don't use the ampersand or slashes in your writing. But I see this is the first story by your author's name. Don't be discouraged by public comments. All and all it is a good story. I hope you write more and post again. It is not near as badly phrased and spelled as a lot of the stories that get accepted here. Thanks for wrting it. I enjoyed reading it.

Buttologist-WallyButtologist-Wallyabout 12 years ago
I loved the story!!!

Although I see some of the things others have pointed out... overall the story is great. I think that perhaps she was a bit too easy to get and required very little encouraging. I would've loved for the story to have been longer.... taking her to bed, getting into her ass, etc. But, perhaps you're planning to write another chapter or a sequel to this.. if so.. it will definitely be welcomed.

I love the fact that this is a larger lady.. with big tits and a very generous ass (I love ass and big-ass women).

As I said above.. I LOVED THE STORY.

Buttologist-WallyButtologist-Wallyabout 12 years ago
Ohhh.. and...

I also loved the fact that she had HAIR-DOWN THERE. Entirely too many stories are about women who have bald pussies or those stupid-ass landing strips.

cantbuymycantbuymyabout 12 years ago
good story

keep writing you will get better and better. will give you a 5 for a good first effort, character development and story line.

JJgreenvilleJJgreenvilleabout 12 years ago
Most definitely want to read more.....

I love what I've read thus far and stories concerning older people always get my juices flowing. Looking forward to more from you. Thanks for sharing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
"piqued" not "peaked" for the phrase "piqued my interest"

Hey your style is not so bad, and the story idea is good.

some random notes:

also "bear with me" as in bearing a burden, not "bare with me"

and "desert" is a place without water, but "dessert" is what one eats after dinner

not (the dessert near Las Vegas)

"aware" is one word

"descent" not "decent" (she is a middle aged lady of Mexican decent & has been working)

also consider this nitpick..Mexican is a nationality, not an ethnicity... but many people do use it as an ethnicity because most Mexicans are some kind of Spanish Indian black Caribbean mix. "Mestizo" maybe, but that's an older word.

Avoid lazy cliches and too many qualifiers. For instance:

"First of all, the Las Vegas trip was a bit of a rarity."

For sure, strip out the unnecessary qualifier "a bit of"

maybe drop the "First of all"

you get "The Las Vegas trip was a rarity."

(I often go back over what i write and ruthlessly strip out qualifiers as I tend to add too many.)

Try doing the (next0 interview in a mix of dialog and exposition. There is too much exposition in this piece. I got bored after i realized there would be no conversation between you and the prospective maid.

Please tell me you wince when you read this:

"After a few moments, she asks me if I think her behind is too big for my liking? I tell her that fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round. "

Dialog is tough to do well. You might read a couple of the short essays ..."rules for writers" type from Mikey Spillane or Kurt Vonnegut or someone...and "rules for dialog writing" or something like that..and dissect dialog when you find some that you think is good.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Four is a very good score by me. It might have been better if they had teasing sex during her employment.

Anonymous
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