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English
English
If English is your first language then I am appalled at your lack of understanding. Your perspective is wrong and the grammer dubious. If you insist on using the first person perspective then please get it right. The over use of you detracts from the story as a whole and makes it difficult to feel what is being portrayed. It would be better if you used either I, or even better, tried third person perspective.
@sensualwhispers
1. Thank you for the critique
2. This is my 2nd ever attempt at erotica
3. This story was originally written for someone, therefore the use of "you." I kept it in that same format, because my goal with the stories is to make the reader feel involved, or as if they were one of the people. If you just want to be a spectator, then watch porn instead.
Interesting choice
I like the different concept of duplicates. I figured the guys would be twins at the end, but the dream works too. It's difficult to write from the second person perspective and therefore it isn't common to read, which can throw the reader a little off. Still, I feel the other commenter was fairly harsh. While you do switch back and forth from "one of me" to "I", it hardly means you fail at writing. Most of the stories on this site are riddled with inaccuracies, whether it be spelling, grammar, or basic anatomy so being a grammar nazi here is fairly pointless. I think you did a great job, and I hope to see what else you can come up with in the future.
Cheers!
vforvixon
This is officially my favorite story ever. This is not only hot as fuck, it is morally right in my perspective. Bravo!
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