All Comments on 'Pawn Among Wolves Ch. 03'

by SmileWhenYouMeanIt

Sort by:
  • 22 Comments
gabbytasha2001gabbytasha2001about 12 years ago
more please

i have enjoyed reading your story...its a little different then the other stories which makes the wait in between chapters hard to handle but the story line is great so far...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
very impressive!!!

Thanks great story I am really impressed with the way you have constructed Mac's character very strong and sexy however perhaps not so much of the Gemma thought process a little can go a long way hey just my opinion but I still love reading your story its really great and different please keep it up and i look forward to your next chapter have a great Easter break!

willerileywillerileyabout 12 years ago
Silly?

It's starting to feel silly. You can only go on so long - chapter to chapter - without further defining the conflict outside of the romance. You may or may not have a wonderful tale to tell but right now all that I remember are people running about semi-naked, fighting, and bleeding.

He's an Alpha? If so, he looks really bad as he's been bested time and time again by a beta (?).

Write it down or go away.

Little_PixelLittle_Pixelabout 12 years ago
Wonderful. ^^

After reading the first chapter I just had to read the rest...Shame on you for making me stay up so very late! Nah, I kid, it was worth it.

Now that it's not 4 am, and I'm sure I can say what I want coherently, I'll actually comment!

But I actually got a little carried away doing so... <_< If you're not up to reading all that's below, then just know this: I'm loving the story so far, and I really look forward to the next chapter!

If you do want to hear my deeper opinions about it....

First of all, I quite like your writing style. It's not like anything I see very often...I see some stories who focus on just one character at a time (as opposed to bouncing around from one character to another a lot, whether they make it work well or not), but I like how the with way your write, you really convey how the character is feeling. You show us Gemma's (usually her, at least, only once Mac) thoughts, but not just that....the way you narrate, you're displaying her feelings and state of mind within the scene. You're not just telling us she's happy, in pain, that her mind is in turmoil, or that she wants to jump Mac's bones, you show it. It's just really neat, it helps get me into it.

If I have something negative to say about it (your writing), it's that I can't always envision very well what's going on. Not plot wise, I mean more character and setting...like, is this character standing or sitting (not that exact case in any part, just trying to convey my point :p). On some cases I can form a good image in my head while reading, others I'm a bit more lost on their position. Frankly, I WAS reading it at a very late hour when I needed to be sleeping, so I can't even say if I might not have missed something on such occasions.

Also, I think you use " - " instead of "..." on some times where the latter might be more appropriate, but I guess it wasn't really anything very distracting, so...no biggie. xD

Er...before this gets so long it'll make one cringe at the sight (actually, it might be too late for that, but just let me lie to myself this once <_<), I wanted to mention I really disagree with Willeriley.

I too am really itching to understand more of what's going on, about Mac, about Nick, wolves, those words you subtely introduce coming from said words (like shiele, and manu, and pichu, I'll love to know what they are @.@), etc, but I think it's fine so far. Things are being kept interesting - there's action, sexyness and plot stuff IS being revealed, there's no need to drop the whole thing on people's laps right off the bat, to make the character(s) be...well, out of character, just to expose it all.

Like I said, I'm really enjoying this so far, and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter! ^^

(And if you read all that, again, really sorry for it being so long. ^^; I can get pretty carried away...)

Little_PixelLittle_Pixelabout 12 years ago
Last comment got cut off...

Serves me right for getting carried away and writing so much. xD

Here's the gist of it:

I love your story so far, and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.

I really like your writing style. It's awesome how you convey the character's state of mind and feelings, with the way you write rather than just what you write.

I disagree with Willeriley. I'm itching to know more, but there's no need for an exposition fairy on the first chapters. You're keeping things interesting - there's sexyness and romance, action, and you ARE revealing things about the plot. No need to make the characters...out of character just so we know everything right away. O.o

Hopefully this short version still makes enough sense. ^^;

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
*****

great chapter

i'm glad gemma is trying to stand her ground and not be a push over

cantfightfatecantfightfateabout 12 years ago
Oh man,

after Easter? I want to see Gemma have her wicked way with him. I love her strength and determination. He is too sexy for his own good but I look forward to Gemma getting her own back. Steamy scenes ahead!

Looking forward to more!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Silly?? WHAAAT???!!!! I believe the correct adjective is scorching effing HOT!!

Not to mention this story is incredibly well-written, entertaining & riveting and I seriously cannot wait for an update!! Please, please do bless us with an update soon! :)

MizTMizTalmost 12 years ago
One More

chapter and then I'll we all caught up, then what? This story is so good I'm not going to want to wait w/everyone else for chapter 5!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago

I'm with Willeriley, I gave up about half way through page 2.

jamac1024jamac1024almost 12 years ago

first off i would like say i like how your story is developing...i am trying my best though to not compare it with other awesome werewolf stories i've already read here (every author has their own take on the subject) and so far it has been interesting enough to make me keep reading and look forward to the next chapters (if they are coming still)...i do have to agree though with one anon comment that gemma's thought process is just too much to read...it is circling over and over the same theme and it can get quite tedious to read...your writing style again is different from others i've read through and i guess that's your style but an editor and/or a beta reader (if you don't have already) can help in making it more cohesive and flow more smoothly...it made my eyes glaze over reading the disjointed, as well as cut-off, sentences and expressions...a little bit less of it can go a long way of detailing the sensation and emotion the character is feeling at the moment...well, hope this helps and, as i said, looking forward to the succeeding chapters

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
I recommend...

...reading this chapter while listening to/watching a pair of fine Celtic specimens banter cheekily. No joke. It's like milk and cookies! Excellent work!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Tedious

This is chap 3 and it feels like the story is barely making any progress. Gemma was OK in chap 1, but she's getting repetitive. She just goes on and on. I liked how the story started and i did try to keep reading but I found myself skipping most of the paragraphs.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
im in love

Second best story i have ever read on literotica, and trust me ive read a few haha. Best part theres still sooo many more chapters. Im hooked. I cannot wait to read more. You add the perfect amount of humor. I adore how they are constantly denying eachother and then attacking eachother for kisses. Oh my, Im in love. Thank you thank you thank you. -Jess

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
I love it!!

It's true she just keeps on going on and on and on I got annoyed and skip through some paragraphs also, but I love this story.

dinddindover 10 years ago
disappointing

This story seemed very promising in the beginning but I am sorry to say that I don't know if I'll continue reading after this chapter.

Not much has happened so far, mostly because the focus is on Gemma's repetative inner turmoil.

There seem to be some interesting points regarding the species and their inner functions but they have to struggle against a variety of cliches.

I ended up skipping many paragraphs and I wish I had skipped more.

spearishspearishover 10 years ago
Just too much effort to read

Its still confusing .the sentences are too long and drag on and on with yet again too much description and not enough clear cut explanation.Like others i skip paragraph after paragraph hoping to see if some explanations are forthcoming .Sadly ..they're not .I do commend your effort in writing so much each chapter but it's not gripping me to say the least.

superfeluously_esuperfeluously_eover 9 years ago
I like it

So sensual and seductive right now! While the plot and history is a little vague about what's going on, the chemistry between the two characters is deliciously exquisite at the moment.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
character confusion.

At the beginning of your lab scene you mention Be than. Need correcting

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
So I’m a rereader.

I’m gonna try not to spoil for anyone, but is the tawny colored wolf that helps Gemma in this chapter a certain clue about someone from the last chapter?

JulielleJulielleover 4 years ago
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Love It. Was there a slight error towards the beginning of this chapter when Gemma was going to the lab and you actually wrote Beathan??

Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous