All Comments on 'The Gateway to Sin'

by bashfullyshameless

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  • 32 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago

Nice job. Well written story. The disclaimer at the beginning was hilarious and worth the price of admission alone.

Lien_GellerLien_Gelleralmost 12 years ago
Great stuff!

This was a fun read. I did find it just slightly unbelievable though. I don't think that you successfully established in the first section that Travis was the kind of guy that would just go along with all this happy madness. Maybe I'm just overly sheltered or something!

With that very, very minor gripe out of the way I did really enjoy this story. Once things got going I stopped saying: 'Yeah, sure you'd just cheerfully roll along with a double homicide because a hooker and a shop clerk asked you nicely.' I liked the sappy get-together in the back seat and the writing was hot. The situation with the prostitute-distraction though was just brilliant. You get tension, great sex, a redhead and a hilarious yet kinda awesome ending with 'I have two cats' line was just fantastic. Moreover, and this might sound a little strange, but despite finding the characters actions somewhat unbelievable I did actually like them personally. You build great empathy with both Travis and Vanessa as the stomped on little guys and it made that great scene in the middle so much more effective as a result.

Just a quick question, is this part of a series or is it a one off? I'm just thinking that it could go on with the odd misadventures of the couple as they get dragged deeper into the crime world. Travis would make an awesome Godfather. Just sayin' :)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Great Story!!!

I agree with both previous comments. Well written and funny. The disclaimer is the best yet.

AverygoodlayAverygoodlayalmost 12 years ago
Good story

Good story, I enjoyed reading it, it was a bit different than most.

I'm very glad that you had a beginning, a middle, and an end of your story unlike so many others.

Your a gifted writer and I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Paniolo BoyPaniolo Boyalmost 12 years ago
Great punch line!

Lots of action, unpredictable story line, and a great ending. Keep it up! Look forward to your next contribution!

double_entendredouble_entendrealmost 12 years ago
Good story!!!

A very unique story. Extremely unpredictable and fun to read. Please keep writing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
good wowrk

Great writing style. Very funny and well crafted. Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Kind of unrealistic

This story was a bit below your average.

The characters choices feel unrealistic and even though your writing style is great the story isnt that good.

The subject was good but unrealistic choices, characters that was a bit stereotypical makes this a story that would need a lot of improvement

dreamerboidreamerboialmost 12 years ago
Fun and sexy!

What a great story! Really agree with the other comments, nice writing style, good tale and a bit different. Love to read more.

WitherVoiceWitherVoicealmost 12 years ago
Enjoyable, BUT...

I enjoyed reading this story, as you'd expect from one of your stories :-)

However, as someone pointed out below (or above, I dunno, EARLIER anyway), it's not your best. Keep in mind, on the criticism scale this is still akin to "this is only the second best blowjob I ever received", but still, feedback can't be bad, can it?

I'm going to focus on the "dad's a douche" subplot. In a story this short, I am not given enough time to let my distaste for the hypocritical bigot ripen. Thus the story relies on my own experiences to empathise with the protagonist. Unfortunately, my dad was and still is a tolerant, patient and quirkily funny guy, so I have no similar experience, making this whole subplot fall through for me, and without it, the story loses a lot of its weight, somehow.

Still, as pointed out earlier, these are small blemishes on a fun little story. Good job!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Great

Fantastic job as usual. You really are better than everyone else I've read on this site, and it's not close. Keep em coming and let us know about anything you're publishing for kindle. My only suggestion is to not make us wait so long for the next one ;)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Just for starters

Okay, I've waited terribly long for another story of yours, and I'm going to read it now - at 2:20 in the morning, because I can. I just wanted to say beforehand: Those preambles of yours crack me up every time. Without further ado... *goes reading*

KojoteKojotealmost 12 years ago
Well...

I'm feeling like developing some kind of a habit, but...

Ifuckingloveit!

For me it's clearly what I'd immediately identify as one of yours. And since I really like the topics you pick up there's really nothing to brag about.

Well... Except that it really could have been about ten times as long if you ask me about preferences... ;-)

Try harder to get something done I can criticize... ;-D

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
I loved it

In this piece, I really enjoyed the switch from your ususal fantasy to a more "realistic" plot. Geronimo was priceless (I love cats, btw). Further, I like how one simple act snowballed into so many others. Isn't that how life seems to work? And yet that is often missing from many authors' stories. Please be sure to let us know when you publish any mainstream books, stories, etc! And do me a favor, can you write faster??

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
bashfullyshameless strikes again

God I love reading your stories. Please keep writing anything.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Where are you?

Any updates on anything? Good Intentions sequel in the works???

bashfullyshamelessbashfullyshamelessalmost 12 years agoAuthor
Where I Am

I am still in Seattle and still writing. :)

I am currently working on the sequel to "Good Intentions." I have NO IDEA when it'll be done; I'm only three chapters in, and I don't have a beginning/middle/end outline yet. Much like the original story, I'm writing it as it comes to me, because these characters all have minds of their own. If you would like to receive a notification when it goes up for sale, please shoot me an email at bashfullyshameless@gmail.com. I promise I won't share email addresses out with anyone, nor will I spam people.

Other stories here on Lit may or may not come as the whim strikes me. Sorry I can't be more specific than that, but I feel I really need to focus on the next phase in the lives of Alex, Lorelei and Rachel before I get into anything else!

gravyruggravyrugalmost 12 years ago
Love your work

All of it. The reader warnings alone are worth more than most stories I've read, and this was no exception. As far as the comments on believability, this was more believable than most of the "torch the bitch" revenge stories in the loving wives section, and far more fun.

I look eagerly forward to the Good Intentions sequel. Got that one on my wife's nook, and reread it whenever I can talk her into letting me use it.

kitchensixkitchensixover 11 years ago
Sweater vest....

It's a good thing no one in this house expects me to read normal crap. I laughed too hard for everyone to ignore me and they wanted to know why. Also, seriously best warning label intro ever. Sweater vest. lulz.

LerajeLerajeover 11 years ago
Awesome!

One of my favorites!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
A Great story !

Nice original plot with lots of wild unexpected things thrown in. Good story even without the sex which is always a high compliment.

OleguyOleguyalmost 11 years ago
Great fun.

Gotta compliment your inventiveness. That was way out of the mundane

Scotsman69Scotsman69almost 11 years ago
An utter delight

Fine writing. Thank you. It's rare, alas, to find something this good on Lit nowadays.

fanfarefanfarealmost 11 years ago
Hilaristurbing!!

bfs - I wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed this quickie from your imagineering. You even managed the most difficult part of writing, coming up with a clever ending.

TJSkywindTJSkywindover 9 years ago
Hey!

Assume Illyana is living free elsewhere. But, what about HIS two cats?

LoveMenLoveSexLoveMenLoveSexover 8 years ago
Refreshing and well-written!

Thanks for writing, this was a very refreshing giggle in a day that was dearth of humour and I enjoyed it very much!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Needs continued

Great story :)

member9458member9458almost 6 years ago
This RULED.

God damn, this was so fucking funny and even suspenseful, the prose flowed like a river and the narrative twisted like a pretzel. It had a very late 90s "absurd coming-of-age adventure" vibe to it (TROJAN WAR with Jennifer Love Hewitt comes to mind) that I absolutely loved.

JESUS I wish I could fawn over this more without repeating myself. It's so light and there's just not that much to talk about, but it's such a breath of fresh air from other LE stories that take themselves far too seriously, and I'm including my own work. Fucking great job here.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 5 years ago
LET'S SEE

Naive, unexciting guy minding his own business, unexpectedly confronted with mean guy roughing up nice girl. Defending nice girl turns into two killings. Nice girl turns out to be prostitute. Naive nice guy turns into vigilante -- along with prostitute. But a "noble" prostitute who wants to turn into a university student. Virgin guy gets his first time FREE(!) from noble prostitute. Noble prostitute turns into master vigilante planner who "steals" the money of dead (presumably discarded) pimp. Virgin gets two prostitutes his first night (again, free). Big bad guys upstaged and outwitted by little guys. Laws skirted and cops evaded -- in order to bring about justice. Sex trafficking victim liberated. Animal rescue performed. Creative mind of one author admired. (What have I missed?)

At beginning, Travis is naive, blah, inexperienced-with-girls, upstanding fellow from repressed upbringing whose risque activity has been to purchase one porn mag. In less than 24 hours he is a violent defender of the oppressed, a killer, vigilante, hiding from the law, fucker of two prostitutes, has helped his partner bring vengeance on pimps/criminals, and is on the run. Some time later, he and noble prostitute are upstanding citizens, engaged in gainful employment and serious collegiate endeavors, while maintaining a monogamous (albeit, horny) relationship. And all's well with the world -- or at least with our two good guys. And I chuckled over being privileged to conclude reading such an entertaining, gratifying, outstanding tale. How was this all packed into 4 pages?

I do wonder about Illyana. Where is she? Doesn't she need help getting her feet under her? Like staying with Travis and Vanessa -- which would give Travis a chance at his third prostitute (now reformed) and first threesome?

Could have done without the final jab at his father, which seemed a punch at conservative religion. Be tolerant and let them have their lifestyle. Who knows? Maybe it's as gratifying to them as yours is to you? Not really needed for the main plot, anyway.

I've read thousands of Literotica stories. There are many bad and so-so. There are a few really good ones. Then there are a rarified scarcity of truly stratospheric stellar ones like this. Seldom read SciFi/Fantasy, but maybe I should, just to read another from this intriguing, super-skilled storyteller.

5 stars.

Paul in Oklahoma

ChiBoy44ChiBoy44almost 4 years ago
Intense, Accidents, but fun story!!

Great story. Not too many characters. Good explanation on the background too. I enjoyed your story. More please!

Hiker66BikerHiker66Bikeralmost 3 years ago

Creative plot, well written, entertaining read, 5 stars.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

you know i am among those idiots who never read the manual in a diy or terms and condition applied

this is a rare occasion i read your disclaimer complete

Warning: The following story contains graphic sex, graphic violence, graphic misuse of convenience store inventory, profanity, unlicensed pets, unnecessary roughness, unnecessarily loud moans of feigned sexual ecstasy, multiple homicide, poor hairstyle choices, obstruction of justice and conspiracy thereof, conspiracy to file a false police report, home invasion, sexual relations under false pretenses, illegal possession of firearms, unregistered firearms, discharge of said firearms within city limits, sweater vests, prostitution, hypocrisy, helicopter parenting, invasion of privacy, pornography, bearers of false witness, bribery, grand theft auto, infidelity, uninsured motorists, police corruption, public indecency, tax evasion, destruction of private property, unsafe transport of pets and a Raiders fan.

All characters are over the age of 18. Except the cat.

i laughed and then kept on grinning for 5 mins yup i am sure

and after such a shitty day your disclaimer alone was a the 1st thing that made me smile today thanq for being a jolly tease

never came across such a serious disclaimer atleast in erotica woooof

your disclaimer alone bagged a 5 star from me kudos

btw love your work as always

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10/10/23: Hey, if you're wondering where I've been, it turns out I've mostly been writing books! My latest is NO MAN'S LAND, book six in the Poor Man's Fight series, out today! https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Land-Poor-Fight-Book-ebook/dp/B0CK9W5GDF If you're looking for somethin...