- All
Comments (2) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
A suggestion
It's a lovely story and well written but it would be much better, sexier written in the first person. "I" and "she" is so much nicer than "Jasmine and Maria" over and over.
Promising
I can tell you are a good writer, but there are elements missing from this story that make for good erotica. As with many lesbian stories, the writer naturally assumes that since there is no man, then there shouldn't be a masculine/feminine dynamic, but regardless of the genders involved, there always is. This story is feminine/feminine, and while it may be real, it doesn't make for an interesting read.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Seducing Jasmine or
More submissions by Bluzworld.