Too much telling not showing in the beginning. But it got much better as it went on.
sounds like a relationship for a Gamblers Train. TK U MLJ LV NV
A chapter a week? But how many chapters does the story contain?
Good story. I'm not sure you need that opening prologue or forward however. Most of what you say in that you say very soon afterward in the main text.
It reads like the first chapter of a comfortable novel. There are lots of potential detours here. Thanks.
...with no apparent skills in the chase and the kill. If the desire to hurt was all in all, shrews would rule the forest.
or what to do with one, TK U MLJ LV NV
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! orBack to Too Clever by a Mile orMore submissions by carvohi.
[...]
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Posting...
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Too Clever by a Mile:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Preview comment
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to carvohi:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Send feedback
Sending...
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Username:
Password:Forgot your password?
Security code:
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save Cancel
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.
Close
English
Intresting story
Too much telling not showing in the beginning. But it got much better as it went on.
QUESTIONS, PROMISE NOTES AND INDECESCION
sounds like a relationship for a Gamblers Train. TK U MLJ LV NV
How many chapters?
A chapter a week? But how many chapters does the story contain?
Good story. I'm not sure you need that opening prologue or forward however. Most of what you say in that you say very soon afterward in the main text.
Interesting Story
It reads like the first chapter of a comfortable novel. There are lots of potential detours here. Thanks.
Odd sort of predator...
...with no apparent skills in the chase and the kill. If the desire to hurt was all in all, shrews would rule the forest.
WHAT TO SAY TO A NAKED LADY
or what to do with one, TK U MLJ LV NV
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Too Clever by a Mile or
More submissions by carvohi.