All Comments on 'Military Wife Plays While Away'

Thanks for trying. Not a very good start. I don't have a recommendation. Maybe write something and put it aside for a week then re-read it before sending it in.

You wrote this story. You have some talent. You should consider abandoning the second person narrative writing style. You surely (by now) realize the pratfalls of employing this literary style. You must know that this tale hugged a root. You are thanked for your effort.

It just doesn't work well, for most stories, including this one.

the usual nigger crap

Are ALL Asian and Indian men pathetic cucks? How can countries that have some of the best Economic growth in the world have such wimp men?

Wririnf in second person seldom works well even for those who know how to do it well.

Your tale would have been so much better done in an omnipresent third person.

Forget the racist comments, but do concentrate on writing in the most appropriate person for the task. Stroke stories are so much better in third person.

America is doomed.

Not that I believe in censorship but, since I have the power to delete comments I have taken liberty to remove the particularly bad racist comments.

This story is very personal, and was written from my perspective. I do see the folly of writing in the second person. After re-reading the story prior to posting I saw how the second person format resulted in poor flow, however, since I had taken the time to write the story I really didn't want to discard it. I will do my best to remedy this in future submissions.

Brooke, if you read this I'd love to see a comment.

Ah, the ever-present Anonymous. He never has anything constructive to say. He would rather be a sniper; fire a cheap shot from hiding and sneak away. The result - many potentially good authors get discouraged and take their talents elsewhere, or just never go on to finish their multi-part stories. Can't blame them for that. It is sort of like "scattering pearls before swine".

I for one enjoyed the story, especially the plot development. Use of either the first or second person singular doesn't really matter. This is a creative writing exercise, not a grammar class.

Please continue with the other parts of the story.

NWRaptor

It should be titled Back stabbing Ex-wife. I liked the scenario, but she had no contact with her hubby at all in 3 weeks, don't think they had a good marraige and she moved away, not just training. She had no real problem with Fucking around and disrespecting her husband in front of others. The sex part was good. Why couldn't be that she loved her husband and they had fantasies and were open to her playing. Anyway Keep writing.

"Three months ago Jill's military service took her to Biloxi, Ms. to cross train into a new career field."

Huh??? You must not be very familiar with the military. She's a 36 year old nurse, probably at this point a captain or more likely a major, so a career change is not very likely. In any event the other students In this unknown class would also be officers and the conduct you describe would get all of them immediately kicked out of the military.

Sounds like a game changer for wife shit happens buddy sorry about your luck I think she's hooked

Nothing more to say but seems lucky the hubby will be rid of the slut soon.

more cuck shit.

The author should have more thoughts and respect on the military.

Jill never had the balls to gohome and tell a real military man her new AFSC was 6969 - Cum Dump/Whore

Love the sex xoxoxo Annette

. . . And who cheat while the other spouse is deployed, on an unaccompanied tour, TDY (Temporay Duty, such as schol), or otherwise involuntarily away; are the lowest scum of scum of earth, irrespective of whether they cheat with big white or black cock, tight black or white pussy, or even engaging in bestiality.

Always 1 star from me for any author who scribbles such a story.

Lt. Col. U.S. Army (Ret.)

Author wasn't sure whether he wanted to make it a story about a loyal wife who grew horny while away from home and who eventually chose her hormones over her marriage; or if the story was about a woman who was away from home intending to cheat from the moment she left home.

Many of the details were ridiculous. She's 36 years old and a nurse in civilian life. Probability is that she also is a nurse in the National Guard. She is scheduled to be away from home for training for 3 months. Why in the world would she not have a car with her? She can have a car and still be driven to the casino by the men. Jill's lack of a vehicle is an example of a detail that contributes nothing to the story, while detracting from it for anyone thinking about the story. After all, at least 2 of the 3 men have vehicles with them. Plus, it's unlikely the National Guard is sending a nurse to get 3 month's training for a new career field. She would be used as a nurse!. Also, if it's a temporary duty training situation, why does the much younger (assume also junior in rank) Trevor have an apartment with a spare bedroom - other than for Jill and Jeron to have a convenient spot. The apartment also has a balcony. Earlier, the girls were said to be staying in a dorm on base similar to a hotel for temporary duty personnel; Trevor would have been assigned similar temporary quarters - a room in the VOQ. Such a temporary room would have been a more logical location for the sex. Finally, the smoking itself on the balcony was unlikely. She's a nurse who should be expected to be health conscious. She's in the military which has discouraged smoking for a long time. All 6 of them are so fitness conscious they work out or run 5 to 6 times a week. Unlikely that dedicated runners are puffing away.

The comments about racism were dumb, inapproriate, insulting, and unnecessary. For others to think it it is not proper for a married woman to spend all her off duty time with 5 unmarrieds is not indicative of racism. Instead it demonstrates a sense of morality and decorum. If anything was racist in the story, it was describing Tianna as having "jungle fever", and the 3 black men as being focused on getting into the girl's panties. Jill is a 36 year old nurse so is probably a senior captain or a major. The 24 year old men are lieutenants, if officers, or junior enlisted. The rank discrepancy alone would discourage (more likely eliminate) constant innocent social interaction. Also, I'd wager there were a few women in the men's course. The women in their own course are more likely to be the targets of Jeron, Trevor, and Kenyon. Another racist comment was giving Jeron such a giant cock (biggest Jill ever saw, so long it was merely half way inside her when it bumped her cervix which makes it an over 12 inch dick). The interracial fetish can be erotic, but don't combine interracial fetishes and myth with snide remarks about whites being racist.

For the reasons stated above and for many other examples, the story made no sense if about a wife who finally wants sexual release while away from home for an extended period. If it was about an intentional cheater, then write it that way and have Jill simply catch the eye of a classmate, someone in the dining hall, dorm lounge, or at the gym. Spare the details about the military courses, studying together, etc. Just make Jill a women on the prowl.

How can the husband say that that was the end of their marriage. You leave out too many details such as how did he find out? She wanted to feel all of Jeron but lets him cum outside of her> Very poor writing by hinting and not describing in detail. 3 weeks and she has forgotten her husband. BS