Milk Factory

Amazing Keep going

An excellent read defiantly hope you continue this story.

First rate!

This is off to a great start. Just don't keep us waiting too long before the next installment. It's a 5!

Awesome

Please continue, this was a great introduction.

Hot!

Hot stuff for sure! Now I want/need to hear about her next week!! :)

Thanks everyone

Wow, Thanks for the support! Chapter 2 has been submitted, and should be up in a couple days, while Chapter 3 is coming along nicely.

Wow this story is amazing

U have some serious talent keep writing

Great story

Love it! Right up my alley!

Don't wait up...

... because it'll take the ship a good 20000 years to arrive at its destination.

400,000 light years is quite a trip

Even at 20 times the speed of light, the trip will take 20,000 years. It seems *really* inefficient to spend 40,000 years (round trip, after all) to pick up a single human to add to the milk factory...well, in theory to add to the milk factory, the first human abducted is still 19,800 years away from the milk factory. It is a good thing the aliens start the transformation right away.

Sorry for coming across so negative, but really inconceivable facts like that in a story take me right out of it. You also refer to the planet as "tens of thousands of light years away," which is quite a bit different than four hundred thousand light years, but 10,000 light years is still crazy far to travel at a speed of 20 times the speed of light (1000 years round trip is still too long). You either need to move your planet a lot closer, or decide on a faster way to travel. You could also just leave distances out of it completely, and say that the ship travels "faster than your physicists believe is possible" and that "we'll arrive at our home world in ___ months/days/hours." If you avoid stating distances (and instead stick to travel time), you'll also avoid pedantic assholes like me reviewing those distances/speed instead of how hot your story is.

~jrepg

Very nice start!

I'm loving it... Can't wait for MORE! MORE! MORE!

Alright Already

I get it, I messed up some numbers. Please realize, I'm most likely drunk and stoned when I write, it's inevitable that there will be slip ups from time to time. In other news, chapter 3 is coming along nicely, and should be done and up soon.

As always, thanks for reading and enjoying the products of my insomnia,
Balchsack

Spelling

Please learn the difference between "your" and "you're".

It was good. but there was a lot of unnecessary exposition and in general wasted words.

Like going to great lengths to tell us more about the life of the main character is understandable.... but really all we needed to know was that Karla was walking home from work. And this would have been a good spot to "show" us more about her. And by show I mean tell us indiriectly. Use description in the scene as opposed to just kind of going on about the character. I did like how you didnt describe her physically to much, this is fantasy and you have more important things to be talking about.

A perfect example is when you talk about the milk extractor. We realllllly dont need to know that its been honed over 200 years. That's not important to the plot, or to the intention of the piece. (and you hit your mark still, I came pretty awesome.) what is important is that it works, what it does, and some stylized description.

If you do most of your creative work drunk or high then that's cool. But when you are sober is when you should do your editing. Best advice is finish writing, and come back in 2-3 days to go over it with a fresh perspective.

Really loved it man, I'll check out chapter 2 and 3 later. And to sum all^ that up the trick to good writting is subtracting words. Always aim to use the fewest words possible while still being coherent . Be direct with what is going on and add in relevant details as you go and when you finish go back and extract anything that you don't need to say.

loved it

i hope there's a sequel

good stuff

My god

I literally had to stop myself from cumming six times because wanted to get to the end first