Jenny’s Choice

good start

simple but good start,,,few more pages to a chapter and elaborate on the sex and maybe fix sissies big ass. lol

her-him...which is it?

It is real turnoff when so many errors are made. So confusing when her and him are used in the wrong places.

Sorry tale.

This submission needs an editor or a careful rewrite. Too sloppy to read beyond the seventh paragraph.

Thanks Don

Breathe and hydrate!!!

You need to pace the story better. I felt like I was listening to one long run-on sentence. Also it felt very detached and dry, adding some tangible emotion would help.

Excellent

Excellent story honey, keep it going, and thanks for the awesome read.

Needs a lot of work

almost impossible to read. Way too many grammar issues. Might be a story hiding in here, but I could not find it.

Good story

Certainly there were a few grammar errors but really had no problem following the story-line. Keep writing, find an editor, and expand on this story. There are a lot more directions for it to take.

All the comments cover it...keep at it...good ideas, weak execution.

Nice concept, but...

Yep. You really need to use one of the editors on Lit. Both for grammar and for story building. Good concept, but weak execution

Editor please

Please, please take an english course, use a gamer checker, or an editor. The story idea while not particularly original is good, but the execution and writing is almost uninteligible.

Needless to say...

Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...Needless to say...

English you don't speak, eh?

I was puzzled while trying to figure out which language is your first language. Puzzled to the point of distraction. To the point that this story became a waste of my time.

Here's my offer: I won't submit a story in whatever your native language is if you won't submit any more here. Deal?

That was painful. I only made it about two paragraphs. The grammer was awful. If you ever feel the desire to write again please edit it. If you can't do it yourself ask someone to do it for you.

A good storyline

But the story could use a bit of editing, or a least having someone other than the author to read over the work and give suggestions of how to make the story more erotic.

It needs to have more graphic sex and be more explicit and perhaps raw when it comes to the mother and son having a sexual love affair.

That's where an editor could punch up the sex and make the sexual affair more graphic.

Thanks for the read.

Can't, ah, ah, read...ah, read, read this...

Disjointed. Written as if an essay attempt by a 10th grader who is failing (badly). No speaka the Englisha, maybe....

Worst piece of drivel I've ever attempted to read!

The grammar was atrocious. The sentences were "un-filled" with missing words.
Pronouns were used in the wrong places, in an apparent attempt to confuse the reader as to who was doing what, and to whom. "Needless to say..." was used FAR too often. Plot was terribly unimaginative.

Enough said!

quite good

you have a good story you just stopped it to abruptedly

Not too bad....

But it needs a lot of work. I suggest you find a good editor to assist you.

The story line was good, but multiple "needless to say" entries were unnecessary. Some words were missing, and simple grammatical errors put me off. Although, like I said, good story line.

Needless to say...

I found this unreadable.

It was fun but......

I was really digging it up until Jake took her inside and fucked her. I wish that the secret incestuous pleasure taking place in the car next to the sister was a bit more detailed. I could stretch my imagination far enough to accept that, but Jake undressing and fucking her her while she was asleep was a bit too far for me to enjoy.

It got me nice and hard though. Keep writing.

Good story but...

The story line was great. It had amazing potential and I know I would have loved it but the writing... There were so many mistakes, ill constructed sentences and parts that didn't flow that it became a turn off. But props for you for posting not many have the guts to do so.