Tits for Tats

Great

Great story hope there's more to come.

Very good

Some grammatical errors, especially early in the story, but this is a very involving, interesting story. You did a good job building the relationship between Kev and his sister, and you have set it up well to continue the story.

Spell check ( or as ewe wood say spill chick)

Had trouble gettin past 1st page: "sense when are you a blond" + "Sense when are you buff?
READ WHAT THE F... YOU WRITE Spell check will only tell you how to spell a word not if it's the write word.

hrm...

you would have to be a complete ass to leave this off where it is... especially with him being a jailbird virgin and all..

Brilliant story

But the grammar was atrocious!!
I'm not going to bother pointing out the details, but the most obvious and repeated most often are the through / threw. You clearly didn't know which was which, so you used threw for everything. In case you haven't realised, threw is a word that actually means something completely different and unrelated to through.

The other often repeated error has "her" and "here". You obviously know the difference here, so it should be easy for you. But there were some other beauties in there that I don't have the energy to ferret out and begin a discussion with... good luck with your writing.

Great potential!

The story was great. It had a solid yet quick back story to get started, then moved right along. You added plenty of details to bring the intimate relationship between the two main characters into deep focus. The only constructive criticism would be that the grammar and spelling needs to be tightened up. Find someone to proofread for you and your writing will really be wonderful. 4.5 out of 5 even with the errors. Please keep writing.

Please continue

very well written. The grammatical errors can't be that bad, they normally break the rythm of a story for me, and this story flowed nicely. thanks for the great read, and PLEASE continue this tale.

This was very good

So much detail, so much care. You must have been working on this for ages.
Yes a few mistakes but not enough to detract from the story.
I sense that this is where it ends, but I do hope you will write some more to this tale.
ES

Edit!

Get an editor, spell checking alone won't do.

fantastic / exciting

Please continue the great work . ass much as I want them together and a happy ending, I cant wait to see how you spin it all into your work.

Good story.

Normally bad grammar pisses me off but the story itself is so good I overlooked the bad editing, Keep writing.

Love it!

The story flowed beautifully and smoothly, except for the spelling and punctuation errors. Even taught me something about tattooing (I've never had any). I loved the way you built the sexual tension, and would certainly hope you'll give us the ultimate resolution, whenever it happens. The sibs are so far gone at this point that they must either go all the way or split. Hope they go for it!

Great story. Needs an editor

Loved the story, but you need to find an editor or proofreader. Typos and wrong versions of words were painful.

typical

another uneducated writer wasting his time, our time and the site space. NEVER EVER POST A STORY WITH OUT GOING THROUGH A GOOD EDITOR FIRST.

Wheeee doggies!

That was excellent, thank you. I am hoping for a sequel and sooner would be better than later.

The comments above were accurate, an editor would be a wonderful help and only add to an already great story.

Welcome to Hell, the devil is on the details.

Amazing! This story is astounding. The details make it so vivid.
If you would allow me, I would be happy to edit for you. It would be an honor
to be able to assist you in that capacity. Once again, great story. This is one of the best I have ever read.

to not finish this would be a waste of time and you should stop writing if you dont finish your stories in the future.

It was Hell to read

Way too many errors, both grammar and spelling. I had to stop reading on page 2. As others have pointed out, spell checker only checks spelling, not word usage. The words Threw and Through mean to different things. Also Sense and Since are totally different. I'm not going to identify everything, don't have that much time, but just as others said; Get an Editor to go through your work before posting.
Also I find it funny that an 'Anonymous', would volunteer to be your editor. Just how do they expect you to be able contact them?

S347

Sexy and original!

Wonderful story. I felt you had genuine knowledge of the subject matter. Hoping for a sequel!

P.S.: Stroker? I think you meant two, not to...

Really, Really GOOD!

Your story is really, really good. One of the best I have read in some time. There is obviously more to this story. Please write the next chapter.

Good Story

It's a good story drew me in early and held me until the end. Just a little heads up a good tattoo artist wouldn't put vaseline on the needle it could lead to infection and vaseline being made with petroleum clogs the pores and impedes healing. Lol sorry that was my little quirk my artist drilled that into my head.

Excellent story

Great stuff. Well structured and descriptive. Just a couple of things that got me a bit..."threw" is the past tense of "throw", the word you are looking for is "through".
Perhaps a spellcheck, or get someone to edit?
Other than my OCD niggles, great stuff.
Thank you very much.

great read

I like your story it was a interesting tale that had my full attention I am looking forward to a second chapter

good built-up

second chapter please.

AWESOME story -

MSTarot - a few minor technical details but one of the first in many years of Literotica reading that qualifies for a few follow ups. Wondering IF there is any personal history behind that very personal account. Keep up the great work!!
Duke of LI-NY

part to please

Great read very well put together and as i can see from the reviews there needs to be more please

that was supposed to be part two

my inspiration

My wife showed me a u-tube video of Judge William Adams whipping his daughter. That and a general enjoyment of art, and tattooing led to this story. There will be a part two. It will be her point of view, from the night she rubbed his shoulder to past the next tattooing session. It will be probably in a couple of weeks. It's still in my head not on paper yet. I thank both the praise and the criticism

Well Done

More please .I Liked where it's going .

Diamond In The Rough

Your material and inspiration are beautifully poignant. I cried at the end. I greatly appreciate your attention to detail and your obvious love of tattoo culture. I would love to see this turned into a series but you definitely need a good editor, if not two (the more eyes, the better!). You have a few basic spelling, grammar, and syntax errors that someone a little more detached from the piece could easily clean up for you. If you're thinking of continuing this story arc, you might delve deeper into the issue of scarring, both mental and physical.

Tattoo meets Taboo

Great plot line, good story overall (need an editor or proofreading), but I LOVE the way you take the tattoo culture, insert taboo, and create a great piece! I wish there were more like it, if only for the tattoo references. Write more!

Gahhhhhh

I totally accidentally tapped 2 stars wen I ment 5...damn touch screens. But its deffinantly still a 5 dispite the minor spelling mistakes. Loved the storyline!! And I love how u included an expertise in prison ink and ink in general.deffinantly needs a sequel ;-)

Almost...

A good story with a second part nicely set up, but the appalling spelling ruined it for me. Please use an editor or a spell-checker for the next part.

Almost

Great first effort! The story progression is going very well, not sure I found the father's death believable...especially for something that seemed non-lethal and regular to them growing up. You could also use an editor, but the story is really good. Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Very nicely written

This was a very erotic read and very descriptive. More attention to typos would make the story much more readable IMO.

Venus

Very Good

But it would seem the story is only half finished just like the Tattoo.

Good but...

You really need an editor. Loved the story, it was great - but I was also horribly distracted by a lot of mistakes. In particular spell checker mistakes that changed "through" to "threw".

Tell me there's more...

Beautifully written -aside from the grammatical errors. I REALLY hope you continue this, finish it, because that just can't be all. There's so much more to the story to tell. Please please please don't end it here.

Nice Job, Looking forward to the next chapter

I really like this story. for once there is a different Brother & Sister story line. This is an enjoyable beginning, assuming there will be additional chapters. I would also like to suggest an editor & spell check. If nothing else, have someone read it before you post it.

The curtains don't match the drapes?

Curtains ARE drapes.

Awesome

Yes, there were a few word usage problems as someone pointed out (threw vs through in particular). Compared to the story, that was a minor detail. The story itself, the description, the marvelous build-up were amazing! Can't wait to see the next chapter.

Well done

Aside for the grammer mistakes, this is a very well layed out story. It would seem that you have certainly done your research in the formidible art of body inking. You write from the heart and this makes this a very pleasant read.
It is rather pleasant to have a good story line not just wham, bam - all over.
There has to be further chapters as this story whether true or not needs to have a finality.
I have to agree you need to have someone edit your writing.
Well Done.

Len

Tats for Tits

Part two of the story is up. The title is reversed because it's taken from Sara's point of view, and has more to do with the feelings involved with getting a tattoo.

I don't really use an editor because ' I ' as a writer need to improve, which I can't really do if someone else is fixing the mistakes. I need to learn where I have problems. From this story i learned I have trouble with words that sound the same, but are spelled differently. I also know that i have issues with punctuation.

I thank all of you for your comments.

M.S.Tarot

Picture

Do you posibbley have a picture of the tattoo in this story??? If so could you PLEASE please put the link up? thanks and by the way i love your stories!

Sorry my friend

The only picture of this is in my head.

Have your artist do realistic rose vine, dark as tribal, with a shadow. Have the thorns on the vine poke the skin in places. the roses are a deep red with lighter shaded high lights. The petals that are falling are a wilt brown on the tips. the dragon is your basic fantasy style, done in the realistic style work, so he looks like he's alive and perched on the breast,with a naughty look to his face. He's peeking out from behind a rose. The vine work circles the nipple around one side.

I have a friend who is a tattoo artist i will see if she can sketch it up for me and I will post it. When that will be i can't say she lives and works a hundred miles away from me.

Fuck that's hot

Fuck yeah.

it almost seems like i am there

Good, However...

The story line is quite good. I am enjoying the characters. What I am NOT enjoying is the obvious lack of a decent editor. There are far too many grammatical and spelling errors that should have been corrected. Keep writing...but find a good editor.

LOL

"The curtains don't match the drapes."

Funniest line I have read in a long while. Please watch the grammar and spelling. "Rein" not "reign" etc. Good luck. Keep writing.

Cheesy and unrealistic sometimes

And a lot of useless information make for a lot of filler.