All Comments on 'One Night'

From some of your phrasing, it seems likely that English isn't your first language. I'm not here to criticise about that, but here are few general pointers to help improve your writing regardless of the level of sophistication of your use of language:

1. Use quotation marks to separate dialogue from narration.

2. The more exclamation marks you use in a story, the less effective they are.

3. Slow build up makes the actual sex hotter.

4. More detail about your characters (not only looks, but backgrounds, emotions, etc) will make your story more unique and memorable.

Many guys want to do same thing. Alcohol helps remove inhibition. More would do if chance comes.

Not bad, although if you have ever been fucked before for the 1st time it takes more than a finger to loosen you up, especially for a monster cock like you described. All in all not bad.

My dick is about to brake through my pants, that's one Helluva story