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Good
A good start will look for the next part
You need an editor
Interesting Start
Some minor writing errors, but the beginnings of an interesting story.
Good Start.. Can't wait until the next chapter
Good Beginning
A couple of flow issues, minor grammar and punctuation issues, but a good start to a promising series. If you need an editor, let me know.
Promising!
I enjoyed this! Please write more :) Excellent beginning, hopeful-looking storyline...I'm hooked, and will be watching for the next page, certainly.
Incomplete
The story doesn´t has connclusion
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