by Adare2009
there was a magic cookie to use in real life......just think how much time wouldn't be wasted on the wrong guys...if only....ok back to the story. Obviously I like the whole magic cookie and now that Adalia feels the mating pull it has certainly increased the pace of the story. And now she may need to be protected....I don't think that is going to over very well...hehe-he...I look forward to the next chapter and say thanks for coming back to this story...
The story is moving along at a better pace now. Good work. You do need someone to give it a read after you make your very last changes--not so much an editor as a proofreader.
What I saw:
The last sentence of the 2nd paragraph contains a bad edit and doesn't make any sense.
In the sentence ' "I hope not," Nana replied, but Trent was already out of hearing range.' Trent should be Luriat.
Keep on writing. You have good characters and what is starting to feel like a good story.
You just need a proper editor. Besides that your flow has improved greatly as the story continues.
please write more i was really getting in to this story!! and have you also considered making your chapters longer?? just a thought :) good stuff!!
I'm waiting indeed for more.
I've read many many stories here, and I have only a few top writers in my favorites.
I have decided to add you. I'm a very diificut reader to reach. Like I said, you had me from line one.
Thank you
Valeria E.
I know its been awhile, but I'm sure I'm not alone when I ask you to please submit another chapter... I really like this story. There so many possibilities. It at least deserves to end. Waiting patiently...
Your story seems to follow some of the same lore as the Baxterverse stories written by LilGirlSix. I love them, Keep up the good work! Can't wait for the next chapter.