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English
Nice Try
Somebody once said, 'If you want to write, write about what you know.' (or however it went). So my advice to you is to wait until you've had sex, learn grammar and grow up a little before you try again.
Very Harsh That Last Comment!!!
I thought it was a fantastic story. The pacing was good, the characters were nicely written and the grammer and spelling was fine to me. I agree, you probably needed to proof read it before you posted it or got someone else to check it for you but apart from that it was fine.
Maybe another chaper? It would be interesting to see where this story goes.
EHHHH so-so
Not great but not bad either what you need to do is check your spelling once you are finished to see if the story makes sense. The other thing you need to do is make the story more detailed, otherwise it's just a quick run through of a WAM BAM TY MAM and that's not exactly the way to go. If you give a little more in depth to the story that is what entices people to read it and rate it good. if there was a choice of rating I would give it a 3.4, so give a bit more thought into your writing and you might go far.
Harsh no, just realistic
Grammar and spelling both need a lot of work, as does the storyline. Also, don't use 'big' words like 'hirsuteness', most people don't understand them and it makes you seem pretentious.
Sorry if the spelling was not right
I don't usually make spelling mistakes, I guess I was too tired to double proof-read. I guess it is harder to write about someone else's fantasy. Well, it is the style of the narrator to decide how much details to provide. This one was meant to be a quick thing.
Did someone comment that I should 'wait till I have sex'? What makes you say that? How was this story not realistic?
Realistic is in the Mind of the Beholder
Please don't pay attention to the morons! "Hirsuteness" is too big a word for their feeble minds? Ignore them. If they can't be bothered to use a dictionary you shouldn't be bothered to read their spam.
How revealing is it that they run across words they don't understand and conclude their ignorance applies to most? On top of that, they think you're "pretentious" for possessing a larger vocabulary than they do? These are the people that are going to offer you criticism? Laughable.
Instead of enjoying erotic stories they want to pretend to be English teachers and play grammar Nazi. Those who can't do love to criticize.
I've enjoyed your story. It brought back pleasant memories as I can relate to Jenna, having been caught in similar situations. I hope you write more! :)
Needs work
The premise was okay, but the grammar and flow of the story need some work. Keep at it!
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