I was unable to read the story. Your punctuation usage is at fault. Without punctuation, the story was almost impossible to read and comprehend. Google "punctuation", read the articles, and your story line will improve greatly.
Isn't it astonishing that most, if not all, of the critics of punctuation and spelling haven't had anything published! Good, bad or indifferent, at least Huedogg wrote a story that many of us chose to read and enjoy for what it was. Thanks Huedogg for your unselfish time and willingness to share, and brickbats to the opinionated mirror worshipping critics. Happy New Year!
This isn`t english literature class. Huedogg2 isn`t writing his college Thesis. It`s a fucking EROTIC STORY SITE. So stop wringing your hands like little bitches about spelling and punctuation. If you want proper grammar, then I suggest you stick with Shakespeare. Oh wait, that fucker couldn`t spell either.
If you want correct spelling, then read a dictionary. An ENGLISH LANGUAGE dictionary, not that mis-spelled and bastardised version Americans call english.
Huedogg2 gets his meaning and story across, even if he doesn`t always spell the words correctly. Let`s see all those grammar bitches write a semi-coherent sentence, let alone a story, before they spend hours combing the web for poor spelling.
Get a fucking life!
Slaverowan said it all. Spelling, punctuation, paragraphing, sentence structure, they all suck. I've read some of your other stuff; you are one hell of a better writer than this. Even if you are really mad at the story you are doing the follow-up to, it doesn't excuse you from writing with the style we expect from you. Don't trash yourself. 3*
This was horribly written. The spelling, grammar, missing words etc. make this story appear as if it were written by an 11 year old child. I can only assume that English is not your first language, but you should at get an editor who does know how to write sentences which make sense. As bad as the first story was, this is much worse.
True this is not English class, but if you don't care if it is readable why even put it up?
Several of the writers here have gone on to professional writing, do you really believe that they did that by ignoring the basics of good writing?
Hued0gg2 replied earlier in this thread that he wasn't submitting an English paper, and jokingly attempted to put the burden on all of us who pointed out the plethora of mistakes and inadequacies in the actual construction of this tale.
Don't get mad, Hue. Get an editor.
Like it or not, if you're actually telling a tale (verbally) then those pesky things such as punctuation, quotation marks, keeping the perspective (first, second or third person) and tense really aren't much of an issue. However, when you put it in writing, then they ALL are important. Really. Read the following two sentences:
1.) It's my feeling you're nuts.
2.) It's my feeling your nuts.
In the first one, I'd be accusing you of being insane...in the second one, I'm getting grabby where I really shouldn't be. The only difference between the two sentences is an apostrophe and the letter 'e' - spoken aloud, they sound exactly the same - and it turns out this is important because, when dealing with verbal communication, there are additional cues that the listener makes use of to figure out what the speaker is talking about. Context, inflection, gestures (if the two are present together as opposed to over the phone) - all these get factored in when speaking aloud.
But when you write, it's all about communicating clearly. It's your story, though; if you want to write something that's going to be a shame to read, then feel free.
When I read a story on these free sites, I am more interested in the imagination and creativity of the author than the grammar. Yes, the grammar takes away from the story, but a creative story makes up for it in its imaginative plot and characters. Thank You for the story.
been justified in killing all of them, painfully. Another stupid over reacting wife and a swinging dick ready to take advantage of her stupid ass. Not only are these women dumbasses, they can't keep their fucking mouths shut, always have to rub it in. And anyone who doesn't think that a woman would do something like that is, well, a woman cause all men know it for sure. We learn it from our mothers and it is reinforced by our wives on a daily basis, to a significantly lesser degree that this woman, for sure.
Only flaw was leaving out the kids. If you are married, and you have kids, they are probably the biggest single consideration for a husband/father who is going through a divorce. Does it hurt to get divorced from your wife, sure it does. Losing your family as you know it and daily contact with one of your parents is ten times worse.
As he said....This wasn't a mistake...Even if she didn't cheat on him, sending him a lot of months to hospital would be enough...Pity the lover boy only last 3 months in prison!!! Once again he showed how coward he was...4*
...but the execution suffered. Frankly, you need to do a better job of writing conversation. By doing a better job on the mechanics (like how to use quotation marks) you will do a better job of getting your story across to your readers. Find a copy of "The Elements of Style" by Funk & White. It's pretty much considered to be the gold standard. Nobody expects perfection, although the anons will be glad to point out every minor flaw, real or imagined. It won't take too much work to produce a significant improvement. Just keep writing. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.
I really liked your ending to this story. But, you could have made it a bit longer. I mean you could have said that Ness got out hunted down her to friends and beat the shit out of them for what they did to her and Allen. For them screwing up her marriage. there are so many avenues you could have taken with this ending and so much more to write. so for this I only am giving you 3 stars. Sorry about that.
The original story was a big,steaming pile,and I wondered why anyone would waste his time writing a sequel.
But if any characters in a story deserved to be burned,Jimmy and the three twats were richly deserving.
Good to see that Jimmy got fucked,literally,and ended up with an asshole even wider than the women he nailed. ( I did think that death was letting him off a little too easy,though.)
While the cheating wife suffered,she should have done far more time in the clink than she did,for almost killing her husband! As soon as she let Jimmy play with her pussy at the club while Allen was sitting nearby,the marriage was over.Can't cry rape if she allows that and then fucks him all night.
Nice to see a husband burn the bitch and everyone around her for a change!
English
I was unable to read the story. Your punctuation usage is at fault. Without punctuation, the story was almost impossible to read and comprehend. Google "punctuation", read the articles, and your story line will improve greatly.
Stop writing! Your punctuation, spelling and awful grammar make it so difficult to read.
Excellent
Revenge is sweet. The whore should die in prison. Gets better every time it's read.
Punctuation criticism.
Isn't it astonishing that most, if not all, of the critics of punctuation and spelling haven't had anything published! Good, bad or indifferent, at least Huedogg wrote a story that many of us chose to read and enjoy for what it was. Thanks Huedogg for your unselfish time and willingness to share, and brickbats to the opinionated mirror worshipping critics. Happy New Year!
JESUS H CHRIST ON ROLLERSKATES
This isn`t english literature class. Huedogg2 isn`t writing his college Thesis. It`s a fucking EROTIC STORY SITE. So stop wringing your hands like little bitches about spelling and punctuation. If you want proper grammar, then I suggest you stick with Shakespeare. Oh wait, that fucker couldn`t spell either.
If you want correct spelling, then read a dictionary. An ENGLISH LANGUAGE dictionary, not that mis-spelled and bastardised version Americans call english.
Huedogg2 gets his meaning and story across, even if he doesn`t always spell the words correctly. Let`s see all those grammar bitches write a semi-coherent sentence, let alone a story, before they spend hours combing the web for poor spelling.
Get a fucking life!
Punctuation, grammar and sentence structure.
All were poor. My kids could have written better than this.
Story content: 4 stars.
Writing style: 1 star.
Bad
Slaverowan said it all. Spelling, punctuation, paragraphing, sentence structure, they all suck. I've read some of your other stuff; you are one hell of a better writer than this. Even if you are really mad at the story you are doing the follow-up to, it doesn't excuse you from writing with the style we expect from you. Don't trash yourself. 3*
All said already, but...
This was horribly written. The spelling, grammar, missing words etc. make this story appear as if it were written by an 11 year old child. I can only assume that English is not your first language, but you should at get an editor who does know how to write sentences which make sense. As bad as the first story was, this is much worse.
idea good, execution poor
Spelling grammar punctuation all simply terrible.
True this is not English class, but if you don't care if it is readable why even put it up?
Several of the writers here have gone on to professional writing, do you really believe that they did that by ignoring the basics of good writing?
WHY DOES ONE THINK THERE WILL NEVER BE A PAYBACK
for torts rendered, TK U MLJ LV NV
In response to Hue's comment...
Hued0gg2 replied earlier in this thread that he wasn't submitting an English paper, and jokingly attempted to put the burden on all of us who pointed out the plethora of mistakes and inadequacies in the actual construction of this tale.
Don't get mad, Hue. Get an editor.
Like it or not, if you're actually telling a tale (verbally) then those pesky things such as punctuation, quotation marks, keeping the perspective (first, second or third person) and tense really aren't much of an issue. However, when you put it in writing, then they ALL are important. Really. Read the following two sentences:
1.) It's my feeling you're nuts.
2.) It's my feeling your nuts.
In the first one, I'd be accusing you of being insane...in the second one, I'm getting grabby where I really shouldn't be. The only difference between the two sentences is an apostrophe and the letter 'e' - spoken aloud, they sound exactly the same - and it turns out this is important because, when dealing with verbal communication, there are additional cues that the listener makes use of to figure out what the speaker is talking about. Context, inflection, gestures (if the two are present together as opposed to over the phone) - all these get factored in when speaking aloud.
But when you write, it's all about communicating clearly. It's your story, though; if you want to write something that's going to be a shame to read, then feel free.
Couldn't read this...
So many formatting errors and lack of punctuation made it illegible to me.
Imagination!
When I read a story on these free sites, I am more interested in the imagination and creativity of the author than the grammar. Yes, the grammar takes away from the story, but a creative story makes up for it in its imaginative plot and characters. Thank You for the story.
He probably would have
been justified in killing all of them, painfully. Another stupid over reacting wife and a swinging dick ready to take advantage of her stupid ass. Not only are these women dumbasses, they can't keep their fucking mouths shut, always have to rub it in. And anyone who doesn't think that a woman would do something like that is, well, a woman cause all men know it for sure. We learn it from our mothers and it is reinforced by our wives on a daily basis, to a significantly lesser degree that this woman, for sure.
What about the kids?
Only flaw was leaving out the kids. If you are married, and you have kids, they are probably the biggest single consideration for a husband/father who is going through a divorce. Does it hurt to get divorced from your wife, sure it does. Losing your family as you know it and daily contact with one of your parents is ten times worse.
As he said....This wasn't a mistake...
As he said....This wasn't a mistake...Even if she didn't cheat on him, sending him a lot of months to hospital would be enough...Pity the lover boy only last 3 months in prison!!! Once again he showed how coward he was...4*
Nice
All the low-life assholes got what they deserved. Our hero has a happy ending. Perfect tale.
The plot was okay...
...but the execution suffered. Frankly, you need to do a better job of writing conversation. By doing a better job on the mechanics (like how to use quotation marks) you will do a better job of getting your story across to your readers. Find a copy of "The Elements of Style" by Funk & White. It's pretty much considered to be the gold standard. Nobody expects perfection, although the anons will be glad to point out every minor flaw, real or imagined. It won't take too much work to produce a significant improvement. Just keep writing. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.
WE ALL WISH THERE ARE PEOPLE IN OUR LIFES
we hope to never meet or met. TK U MLJ LV NV
LIKED IT
I really liked your ending to this story. But, you could have made it a bit longer. I mean you could have said that Ness got out hunted down her to friends and beat the shit out of them for what they did to her and Allen. For them screwing up her marriage. there are so many avenues you could have taken with this ending and so much more to write. so for this I only am giving you 3 stars. Sorry about that.
And That's That!
The original story was a big,steaming pile,and I wondered why anyone would waste his time writing a sequel.
But if any characters in a story deserved to be burned,Jimmy and the three twats were richly deserving.
Good to see that Jimmy got fucked,literally,and ended up with an asshole even wider than the women he nailed. ( I did think that death was letting him off a little too easy,though.)
While the cheating wife suffered,she should have done far more time in the clink than she did,for almost killing her husband! As soon as she let Jimmy play with her pussy at the club while Allen was sitting nearby,the marriage was over.Can't cry rape if she allows that and then fucks him all night.
Nice to see a husband burn the bitch and everyone around her for a change!
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