It's All My Fault Ch. 02

Pretty good

My only criticism would be a lack of quotation marks. They help with the read alot more than you might think.

A little rushed in spots, but good

The original story was almost completely without quotation marks, so Huedogg2 may have been following Redlyte's style. However, I agree, properly punctuated stories are a lot easier to read and understand.

A lot of grammer errors

That or alot of typing errors or just plain spelling errors....

Yawn Don't try this at home kids. The ramblings of an inane (sic) idiot.

Seriously dog, you put shit all effort into this. It's like you're on crack or something. I mean be a fucking man, walk away. A quote from Dinkleberry on another story today - "Your biggest threat is yourself".

Jeez get off the hate, dude. You're better than this. 3* for the sad entertainment.

Ouch

Quotes for the spoken word. Grammar. Because of these problems it was very hard to read.

Allen is in the hospital for months and his mother is defending his assailant. She's not much of a mother.

I'm very glad that Allen pressed charges against Ness for assault. Ummmm, how did he file charges for rape? Wouldn't Ness have file those charges?

Ness is a dope, a typical LW. And in the end she learned nothing because she was still blaming it on her "friends". "How could life be so cruel?" Gaaaaack. How could she be such a self centered, moronic slut?

The outcome was fine but the road was very rocky.

Hue, you old dog, are you wimping out too?

You left them breathing.

to donofNYSoutherntier

It is grammar not grammer. Tee hee, you accused the writer of incorrect spelling. That's for the chuckle.

So you fantasize about being a snitch?

I know about this snitch got drove up into the hills nailed inside a oil drum sharing space in the back of the truck with a industrial sized parrafin heater and a generator. There's no way you'd live easy after acting like this.

Bad Writing

Quotations around quotes. Periods, commas. Etc. Try this stuff. It works.

Well Said!!!

The best revenge is living well! Or living happily ever after! Alan did both! I went back and tried to re-read chapter one with little success, you should check with Redlyte and see if she's got any other stories for you to help her with.

Well...

On another (paid) website RedLyte did finish this story. The jail terms in this story would have made the conclusion in the other story more fitting. Still though, I think this was nicely done. But you need to go into your spell auto checker to help you with spell check.

anyway like I said,

Nicely Done!

ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL FOR SOME

and there is closure for everyone and to all a good bye. TK U MLJ LV NV

#2 REDLYTE WROTE HIS IN 07

its taken all this time for an attempt at closure, well it suceeded., TK U MLJ LV NV

Redlyte should take some lessons from this!

Original story: 1 star; Ch. 02: 5 stars. Enough said, hoss.

On the bright side, Redlyte had the common decency to make that piece of shit story his only submission on Literotica.

Totally agree with "Lonewolf3307"

Great story Huedogg! 5 stars for sure and glad that the original author quit writing!
Huedogg - please continue to fix/add-to any of these fucked up cuck-shit pathetic efforts.

Huedogg2...

It's always a treat. Short, direct, and on target.

Plot was good.

But it was too fucking hard to read. Put at least some fucking effort into your story. I mean, its a reading site isn't it? No pictures or videos are there? For fucks sake. It's not rocket science... I've read your comments on other stories, and read some of your stories. So I can tell you have at the very least, a basic understanding of the language. So, use it!! Otherwise you just come across as lazy, and you ruin a potentially good story by making it unreadable.

And by the way, I'm disappointed that you're not allowing anon comments. People sometimes don't want to be identified in any way. Anyway, don't care. That is a tired old argument and ultimately meaningless.

not one of your better stories

But, I suspect it's because you are using someone else's story as the prologue to yours. If it had been yours from the beginning, I'm pretty sure it would've turned out much better.

How Can

...I read this, with no quotation marks?

This is poorly written, you need to learn where quotation marks and commas belong, if you don't at least get an editor, I couldn't finish reading this.

Great ending

Thanks always like your stories

not good

You have the skill to make this a good show and have proved it in the past. But it was like you were trying to make a point instead of writing a story. Seemed very rushed as well. As someone said, you are better writing your own story. Best of luck.

Well done writer.

I really can't critique the writing, so I won't , but from a story and entertainment point of view? I enjoyed it, the hero got revenge and lived well, sounds good to me. Well done for the story good to see you writing again.

Your story is readable for me, but I could not read the original Redlyte's story. I can read some stories, which is not too good English, because of my poor English knowledge, but the original's story style is terrible for me.

Plot was excellent

But the lack of punctuation and quotation marks made this story much more difficult to read. You have a great deal of talent, and I, for one, will not criticize for a grammatical error or typo here or there. But please, get an editor. It will make your stories much easier to read.

the fingering did it

from that time on she was shit. gave u a 5.

Tedious

.

Yo

I said it before and I'll say it again.
Huedogg, you da man.

OH YEAH

Better

I like this ending better.
But man, your writing needs help.

I have never seen so many english teachers on one website

I just tried to follow how Redlyte wrote it. I wasn't trying to turn in a english essay on the death of JFK. GEEEEZZZEEE.........lol

Bravo!

You took a piss poor offering from the fetishist Redlyte, and turned into a story with substance. 5 stars!

I would like to think that before Jimmy hanged himself he was shived repeatedly by incarcerated faces unknown, before being castrated with razor blades.

Heck, if Redlyte can fantasize about crap so can I... ;-)

One thing I have to say is the story was written with a lot passion.

Perhaps the emotion was even hate, but their was deffently a lot of it.

It was a bit hard to follow in spots though.

Thanks for the story

Thanks

For the read.

Can't get better than that

The story I mean. Thanks

#3 HE TOOK IT ALL AND STOOD TALL

head up and chest out proudly. TK U MLJ LV NV

5* for story

And *5 for the writing

Editor, please!

Story? Interesting...but you DESPERATELY need to have some quotation marks to delineate conversations, not to mention someone to correct the grammatical errors that abound in this tale.

Literotica offers editors for your use; I urge you to find one.

Well...

I don't normally bitch about the grammar but you should really look into getting an editor. Otherwise, I might have really enjoyed the story.

Umm wow -

OK I grade it well because of what it said, sorta, not how it said it - editing is very needed.

To try to put the lipstick on this pig was an interesting challenge and you did that much.

Ness went from the reasonable woman to a cock whore in a hear5tbeat - I just do not see that as a plausible route unless she was a simpleton - and she did not seem to be one - whatever - nice try -

Bad stuff

This crappy story is almost as bad as Ch. 01.

Second Comment

It seems as the saying goes that justice was served. Well done.

Who can take seriously any comment by a Guy tagged Skipper LOL

Good wrap up and top notch writing

don't usually like follow up by a different author but you did good, dog, real good!

And Life goes on

He did the best thing that he could and just move on. Some times the best revenge is to just go on with your life and not look back.

So be it.

Just another stupid slut who deserves all the misery forthcoming.

First he paid and he had done nothing wrong.

Then she paid because she had done A LOT WRONG but I still think that she did not pay enough. I guess he came out ahead in the end, though.

good story

I don't like stories with sad endings. I believe a marriage needs every attempt to rescue it be made before calling it quits. I really believe Ness made bad choices and she paid significantly for them and her life was destroyed. If she valued her marriage she wouldn't have allowed herself in to the predicament in the first place people can be naive stupid and not reasonable. When married you have additional responsibility toward it your spouse and ultimately yourself. Ness clearly blew it. If Ness had left without bragging about the sex being the best she'd ever had she might've had a chance but that sealed her fate and the fate if the story. The plausible nature of a woman raped to act in such a manner is preposterous.

damn fine ending dog. happy for me anyway.

Damn right

Here, here.

Hell yeah!

Great job on that one, Hue! BTB done right without the murder! Awesome job!