A Deal With The Devil

Crap.

This is shit.

The story was rushed and lacked build up and any sense of realism. The involvment of Mark didn't make it any better...

Letter to the editor

If the story had had a great plot or great execution, I could overlook the editing, or lack of same. Please read just the last five paragraphs with a pad by your side. I counted mistake after mistake: 'I came too' (came to); 'the two women and Mark both' (three objects aren't 'both'); plus the excessive use of 'and' etc. etc. It takes not one but five or six re-reads to hone a story worthy of this or any good website.

you might want to start over and leave out the noncon and maybe one of the males. you can have only one alpha.

A first draft?

Never ever publish your first draft.

Uhm chill?

Give the guy a break it's his first posted story no need to be an ass hole

Title not appropriate

I enjoyed the story, but so far the title isn't really working with the story. You didn't explore what happened or where the power actually came from and there certainly was no bargaining involved. If the title was meant metaphorically then it missed its target. My main suggestion is to revise and expand this story or add some chapters that are a little better thought out as you also left the reader hanging with some serious action about to begin.

Good start

Now finish it.