Katrina Meet John Ch. 02

You Lost Me Here

This chapter was all over the place, please get the help of an editor. This story has promise but you need to take the time to develop your story line. This chapter felt a bit rushed and with lots of errors.
By all means don't get discouraged and continue on with an editor.

Good Luck

wow!!

Great start with the first two chapters. i cant wait to read the next chapter..

wow!!

Great start with the first two chapters. i cant wait to read the next chapter..

Wow she moves fast she just met him and now is allowing him to do those things to her? Must be all those shots she took. I did notice a lot of spelling errors that made it very hard to understand what they were saying. And there puctuation errors too. I mean this story has potential but slow it down a little a maybe get an editor.

needs an editor

but you already know that. Don't rush to get a story out just for the sake of getting it out. If it is a well written tale, people will wait months or even years for the next chapter. I quit reading some parts because the glaring errors were too distracting. But keep it up and take the time to read over your work. Put it too the side, come back to it later and read it out loud. That helps too.

Good start

I agree that the story has potential. Yes, an editor is needed, but if you proof read it yourself, you will find a good many errors on your own; that will mean less work for an editor. I'm not going to be too critical because writing is a process.
-
Slow down and develop your characters, you'll find that you'll get to know them better and be able to express, to the reader, what they're feeling realistically. Another thought is, make the thesaurus your best friend, it'll put spice in your writing. There is also an abundance of help for grammar and punctuation on-line. Accept constructive criticism, it can only help your work. Good luck. :-)

Good so far

For a virgin, she's pretty relaxed about sex. First she's hesitant about a dress; 6 shots later, she's allowing a random guy finger her in a club and again in a car. Wow.

I'm curious about the next chapter though. John's confidence is intriguing.

well damn. lol

..

cool story

Not to be mean but you need an editor. I'm saying this after I just noticed you have 5 chapters... oh well. You Ned a editor two help your story stay focused... see what I mean by the errors? don't get me wrong, I like where you're going with the story and I make blunders too. Please see this as constructive criticism. I like the alpha dominant personality of John, but your Katrina is confusing with her replies. Their dialogue does not sound believable. I feel like they are both talking into the camera as they watch themselves being filmed.

Please!

Can you please describe what they look like because i have no clue.