If the treatment that follows has erotic elements, then the story has distinct possibilities. The writing style, grammar, & content are above average for this site.
by
Anonymous05/10/12
Naming issue
In one of the early paragraphs the character is referred to as "Sophie" instead of "Sasha".
by
Anonymous05/11/12
This is seriously really high quality for this site, and I was upset when it ended. Will you continue this, please? I want to see the other "stablemates" and "the boss"...
by
Anonymous06/12/12
Great introduction
First of all, this was very well written. I really hope you continue this, because it has so many possibilities. Especially if you use it as a chance to cross-over with your other work and the "boss" was McGillicutty and the stablemates are Brenda and the others. My only real suggestion would be that instead of just focusing on the continuous degradation (which I am not criticizing, it is most definitely needed heavily for these stories and could possibly be taken a lot further) that you also start including actual penetration. It will most likely not focus on the enjoyment of the woman (as I find this is not what this story is about) and probably a lot more on the men showing dominance and adding to the level of despair the woman feels. Please do release Chapter 2 soon!
English
Possibilities
If the treatment that follows has erotic elements, then the story has distinct possibilities. The writing style, grammar, & content are above average for this site.
Naming issue
In one of the early paragraphs the character is referred to as "Sophie" instead of "Sasha".
This is seriously really high quality for this site, and I was upset when it ended. Will you continue this, please? I want to see the other "stablemates" and "the boss"...
Great introduction
First of all, this was very well written. I really hope you continue this, because it has so many possibilities. Especially if you use it as a chance to cross-over with your other work and the "boss" was McGillicutty and the stablemates are Brenda and the others. My only real suggestion would be that instead of just focusing on the continuous degradation (which I am not criticizing, it is most definitely needed heavily for these stories and could possibly be taken a lot further) that you also start including actual penetration. It will most likely not focus on the enjoyment of the woman (as I find this is not what this story is about) and probably a lot more on the men showing dominance and adding to the level of despair the woman feels. Please do release Chapter 2 soon!
keep it up
great job keep wrighting ;p
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