All Comments on 'Silence'

d,

your precise, succinct prose is very effective. It's singular focus adds a great deal to the conflicted needs of your heroine.

Please continue to write.

You are welcome to look at my submissions...The Encounter.... They might embrace a craving you can relate to....

This kind of site (e.g. free, anonymous, real feedback) is a good place for it. I will say at one point you switch from "you" to "him". I'm not sure if it was deliberate and I'm not sure why it happened...maybe it would have been better to just stick w/ "you" through the whole thing.

Every sentence being a paragraph I'm OK w/ but I know a lot of people aren't...it's discordant to them...may account for the fairly low rating for a quite well-written story.

The effect would still work well if you used conventional paragraphs, and the fact that the story "looked" shorter wouldn't bother anyone. Could even be an advantage in this attention-lacking world.

Still I gave it five stars because I want you to keep writing (including non-erotica).

This is really good writing. I loved it!

There are, however, a few reasons why I don't consider it 5 star. First, it's in the wrong category. This is all completely consensual sex in the story, so it doesn't belong in this category. It was not what i was looking for when i chose non consent/ reluctance to read.

Secondly, it was a little bit short. I enjoy quick stories on this site because i'm not here to read about the character's whole life story, or tell of an adventure. I want to get in, get it read, and be satisfied. Meaning, I don't give a crap about backstory or anything when reading. In that respect, you did very well.

This was so short, though, that it almost felt a little rushed.

Also, some pussy action would be nice. Some readers (myself included) don't care much for buttsex. If i wanted nothing but butt sex, i'd have chosen Anal or Gay sex as my category. So maybe your story would fit better in "Anal"? Besides that, there were a few editing problems. It pays to look back over your writing a few times before you publish it, because that perspective switch half way through from "you" to "him" was extremely immersion breaking, and took me right out of the story...

I dunno, just some advice. You're a very good writer, but the story needs straightening out.

Ciao Xx