Oh my god my girl and I will act this out, and with luck she will finmd a friend to join the fun. More and more of this please, let them have an orgy of sucking and fucking.
Cunt lapper Lanc's UK
Thanks for your comment. Nice to know people liked my first story.
Chapter 2 has been submitted today. It takes about 3-7 days for it to be published.
I hope you continue to enjoy the series.
by
Anonymous06/02/12
Promising
This story has potential and is a good first effort, but it has two things that it severely lacks. One, you need to build up the build up the sexual banter and foreplay between the two characters before jumping right into the sex. Second, the actual sex itself is much too short in length. If you correct these two main issues, then this story will become a big hit with a lot of readers in the future.
I was really hoping to get some comments like that too.
Chapter 2 should address your comment about building sexual tension (it's the main focus of the chapter actually). I hope you take the time to read and see. However I'll need to find a middle ground for Chapter 3. Your 2nd comment is probably still true so I'll try to fix in Chapter 3.
Wonderful first chapter, and whilst I too would have liked a bit more in the build up, I think the short sharp and hot sex was rather appropriate. Their first time together, well worked up, I know I come quickly when I'm with a lover for the first time. (Unless they're a dud of course...). And it is titled Chapter 1, so I think you've done the right thing saving more for later chapters. Great read.
Thanks a lot for leaving a comment. I see you're an accomplished author so you know how much it means to get comments. The fact that they were positive ones was icing on the cake.
I really hope you take the time to read Chapter 2 and 3 (already posted).
Chapter 4 is in the works and should come out later in September (2012).
I'm enjoying your stories, came across Ch. 04 first so am out of order but they are very entertaining, Hope you have time to have a read of mine too - different subjects but I think our approach is similar. Keep up the good work.
English
Absolutely fuckalishious
Oh my god my girl and I will act this out, and with luck she will finmd a friend to join the fun. More and more of this please, let them have an orgy of sucking and fucking.
Cunt lapper Lanc's UK
Chapter 2 coming soon
Thanks for your comment. Nice to know people liked my first story.
Chapter 2 has been submitted today. It takes about 3-7 days for it to be published.
I hope you continue to enjoy the series.
Promising
This story has potential and is a good first effort, but it has two things that it severely lacks. One, you need to build up the build up the sexual banter and foreplay between the two characters before jumping right into the sex. Second, the actual sex itself is much too short in length. If you correct these two main issues, then this story will become a big hit with a lot of readers in the future.
Thanks for the suggestions
I was really hoping to get some comments like that too.
Chapter 2 should address your comment about building sexual tension (it's the main focus of the chapter actually). I hope you take the time to read and see. However I'll need to find a middle ground for Chapter 3. Your 2nd comment is probably still true so I'll try to fix in Chapter 3.
Thanks everyone for the comments!
Great first chapter
Wonderful first chapter, and whilst I too would have liked a bit more in the build up, I think the short sharp and hot sex was rather appropriate. Their first time together, well worked up, I know I come quickly when I'm with a lover for the first time. (Unless they're a dud of course...). And it is titled Chapter 1, so I think you've done the right thing saving more for later chapters. Great read.
Thanks for comment Alexandra!
Thanks a lot for leaving a comment. I see you're an accomplished author so you know how much it means to get comments. The fact that they were positive ones was icing on the cake.
I really hope you take the time to read Chapter 2 and 3 (already posted).
Chapter 4 is in the works and should come out later in September (2012).
Great work
I'm enjoying your stories, came across Ch. 04 first so am out of order but they are very entertaining, Hope you have time to have a read of mine too - different subjects but I think our approach is similar. Keep up the good work.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Babysitter Did It Ch. 01 or
More submissions by suomynona69.