Toymaker Ch. 05

Very Intense!!

He is certainly heading down that dark path you mentioned in one of your previous posts. I am both disturbed and intrigued by where he will descend to. Bravo! The sex is hot but I so want to see this guy get hit by a bus. :)

Keep the chapters coming. I truly hope you finish the story before you get tired of writing it as so many authors on this site have done.

keep it coming(no pun intended)
interested in his journey and what and where it takes him

Is it hate or envy?

I enjoy the paths he is taking even if I feel I should despise him.

Not a bus.

This guy doesn't deserve to get hit by a bus, the only just ending would be for him to get overpowered and ground into a sniveling little maggot, so the outside matches the inside. Then he could be killed. He deserves it, and rabid dogs DO get put down.

On a more analytical note, it was well written. It takes good craftmanship to create a character as loathsome as the protagonist of this tale.

Superb

You develop the charcters beautifully, some of the best work I have read here.

Love your style and topic! Very hot forced mind insertion!

Excellent

Toymaker is like finding myself in a huge patch of plump, juicy blackberries, and gorging myself into a stupor. You fill the reader with revulsion and excitement as the narrator's character is progressively developed and corrupted. Wonderful fantasies.

Find a good copy editor to help with the misspellings and elided words.

Hate & Envy

An anonymous poster asked if it was hate or envy. I envy his power and I hate what he does with it.

I am honest enough with myself to admit that if I had a power like this I wouldn't act the saint when I used it, but I'd like to think I wouldn't lose my ability to empathize with the people I used it on (like the protagonist seems to be unable to do).