All Comments on 'Dark as Day'

Very good writing. My only complaint is that "threw" should be spelt "through" but that is a small enough complaint. Overall, a strong storyline with a real understanding of the effects of a crash like that. 10 / 10

This is one of the best stories on this site, very well told, and with an excellent plot. It is a shame that it is marred by typos, poor spelling, and grammatical errors. It was not only 'threw' for 'through.' There were also affect/effect, your/you're, quite/quiet, families/family's, message/massage, lose/loose, lay/lie, maters/matters, they're/their, griped/gripped, wared/warred, complementary/complimentary, desert/dessert. Read aloud, this story couldn't be bettered. As written, however, it could use editorial revision.

i stopped half way down the first page why continue after the writer kills off the parents, sister and girlfriend. you just wasted your time our time and the sites space this belongs in the NONEROTIC area. if i wanted to get depressed i would watch the news, read the paper or watch a reality show.

dark start nice twist at the end, keep writing while grammatical errors a common still a go read if you aren't anal retentive. yes editing would help but keep writing!

"Can't Ruth chasing the Sun." Dad laughs.

That should read like this:

"I can't, Ruth. I'm chasing the Sun," Dad laughs.

Maybe you should learn to use commas and period where necessary.

Too bad the one guy stopped in the middle, great ending. As far as the errors, I barely noticed because I was more interested in the story.

To the one person that corrected you on the chasing the sun part. You had it right. Most people would say it the way you wrote it, they would not say I am chasing the sun.

I liked it.

but dude! Threw and Through. Very, very different words with very different meanings. Not trying to patronise you or anything but some explanations below may help you. I'm only bothering to do this because I actually like your writing style and ability.

Threw:

Past of THROW. You know like chucking or passing. "He threw a rock"

Through:

Moving in one side and out of the other side of (an opening, channel, or location): [as preposition]: stepping boldly through the doorway [as adverb]: as soon as we opened the gate they came streaming through

Maybe it got good but I stopped reading at the hospital part...doesn't exactly put ya in the mood.

Now see the errors didnt even phase me. As you will notice, my comments will have them...lol

Someone commented on punctuation, the particular sentance "Can't ruth chasing the sun" in that instance I thought the lack of punctuation enhanced the tone.

The man was driving irratically, and anger was spurring him on, the comma is meant to imply a pause, a place to take a breath. The period is the end of a thought. In that particular instance it kills the tone.

Don't sacrifice tone for anal retentive types...

I will say, I love how you capture the emotion. You have an amazing ability to create twists that most don't think of. The thoughts are strung together so one can envision what they read, and the sex isn't a play by play...(i am envious of the last part)

I do believe you have the ability to go for a novel.

The perverts will be pissed off thats it not sex with their hand material.

The writers (and readers at heart) are the ones you should listen to.

Loved the three stories I have read so far, darker than my normal taste, but then I did grow up with V.C. Andrews so not out of my league completely. I find myself wodering if you can swing to the romantic side...might make the women swoon. :)

pure stupidity. what in the hell made you think this would be erotic? GARBAGE!!! unless your blind and can't read it.

The thing here is that the best stories have at least one commenter that will try to slam an otherwise great story. If said person do not like stories such as this, then that leaves a person to ponder, could that persons life be so miserable that they have to read stories that they don't like and then find fault with them to make themselves feel a little better even for a little while. Sad really. By the way 5 stars.

I got to this story from another, and will look forward to more. Finally a story. I can see how the "Stoke Only" crowd won't like it, it is really good. Yeah, there are a few mistakes, not enough to warrant comments like those below. To keep them quite, have someone read your story or put it away for a couple of weeks then reread it. You should be able to find then correct them.

Please continue writing stories that are enjoyable even without a dick in one hand.

Thanks

I fuckin loved it! Awesome.

Hahahaha I loved this one...

Interesting tale - elements of erotica well done.

PLEASE look up the difference between "THREW" and "THROUGH" you are consistently using the wrong word.

wow I loved this story it had it all the tragedy made me misty eyed and the love made me smile good work

This was a tragic story that was written with the sensitivity that I really like abut yur stories. Same spelling errors but so what :-) What a story!! This is only the second story of yours that I have read. However, I plan to read more. Keep up the same high quality writting.

A very sad story. But, what the fuck, life goes on and bad crap happens such as this tragedy and worse happens hundreds of times daily!

Brandy (nee Aunt Brandy) is with the man she loves, married, but no mention of children nor any in the oven; too bad. Though this turns out to not be an incestual love story, it is still a love story of grand proportions. Jack's father was on a suicide mission, a first degree murder mission and attempted murder; he deserved the fate he rendered unto himself, his family and his son's girlfriend did not! Tragic

Though this story is not real, being fiction, just in the likely hood any part of it is real, I would like to wish Jack and Brandy a long, healthy and a life enduring love. If would be this reader's dream they have several children to love and help fill the void of their dead family members and Brandy's very dear, close friends. If the story is totally not true, one hundred percent fiction, then my heart is lighter with less burden by saying my good deed for the day!!

this trash belongs in the NONEROTIC area it was a total turn off. what is with the writers on this site killing everyone off? death is not sexy or a turn on.

Hmmm, a lot of people come to literotica to get a quick rub and continue on.... To be honest I read this story, was not turned on, and then kept on looking. I found it to be a dark tale, with good moments of humor. I beleive I am going to use your line of "30psi" when I get the chance. :-)

I wonder also where you get your inspiration...some of your stories are off the wall. This one is different in and of itself. The father was cheating on the mother with another man and the wife was cheating on him with a woman who was her "sister" by everything but blood. I guess it shows just how people can cause accidents to happen without meaning to. How unforseen circumstances can have such far reaching affects. If someone had told the father that his cheating would set into motion a chain of events that would result in the deaths of the majority of his family, the blinding of his son, and years of mourning for several more families....would he still have cheated?

Thank you for making me work my head muscle...:-)

Sincerely, Payenbrant

i almost diddnt finish the story. im so glad i did.

Brilliant and masterly described. Please watch your spelling (through a room - not "threw" a room...)

Your a master of the unexpected , the three stories of yours that I've read so far have not disappointed me , great twists to this story, 5 stars loved it.

I gotta say that I really enjoy your work here on LE. This story did quite a number of things only real writers can do, It more than adequately described a world from the perspective of our hero. It also conveyed the feelings of the characters. Through your writing I could feel the pain the hero went through and the sadness he felt over his loss. Thank you for sharing this with us. I agree with the other commenter's who suggest you ignore the grammar obsessed people. If the typos seriously marred the story I would say do better but I didn't notice until I read the comments.

Please, PLEASE, get an editor or proofreader that learned grammar and spelling in school!

de Jay

The reader that suggested that you "ignore" those who criticized your grammatical errors since it didn't bother THEM, probably wouldn't know the difference between "there" and "their", "were" and "we're", "your" and "you're", etc, etc, anyway.

de Jay

Do yourself a favor and learn correct punctuation and spelling. People who think that's unimportant are contributing to the downfall of the English language.

I uh...Just not feeling it. Too many loop holes, not enough getting to know the characters, and ERM... your grammar. I can't even...

I enjoyed it from start to finish it was great!!!

The thing you misspelled most often:

threw - through

I have read several of your stories and thought you told a good story even though putting up with the wrong words all over the place was a nuisance. This one was so bad I gave up after 1/2 page. Spell check does a good job when the word is close to right. It doesn't know the difference between, "running THROUGH the house" and "the pitcher THREW the ball across the plate into the catcher's glove". Further more, "there was not QUITE enough water in the glass" is different than, "the house fell QUIET when everyone went to sleep". If you are going to keep writing (you have the talent) then please get some help.

and excuse my French but fuck the grammar police. The story was captivating enough where the misspelled or misplaced words were easily overlooked and the story was a real twist. Turned out to be a not incest story after all ....Worth 5 stars, we definitely enjoyed it

I can't get enjoyment out of a story that is so depressing and has so much crude language. I'm no saint, but how many time is saying fuck too many times? Then, there was no incest. The editor thing in nothing new. You don't seem to be improving very much on your own. Get an editor, please.

have to admit the grammar/misspellings - while not a killer, did bother me, I had to stop and think - what did the author really mean to say? They're distractions/speed bumps that interrupt the flow.

That being said, I think MSTarot did an excellent job writing Jack's POV - smart mouth, horny, angry, frustrated - felt very real to me. Only thing I didn't get - what did Brandy see in Jack? Seemed realistic that he would fall for her - only female around, still horny - but what did she see in him? Wouldn't Brandy see it as a betrayal of her relationship with Jack's Mom? I'd have thought Brandy would have harbored resentment at Jack's Mom's death, while Jack survived (like Jen's Mom's reaction),

A fucking bunch of homos??? Tell me how that helps clear up this disjointed piece of crap? There is no love in homo sexuality only severe mental illness...there isno love here!

The category is incest as well as taboo. The main character believed Brandy to be his aunt for years, and until the accident, he thought of her that way; yes, the actual incest was second-hand, Brandy telling of his mother and her being past lovers. It still fits the taboo.

Difficult read, more for the main character's initial anger, but MSTarot did a good job conveying a lot of trauma in a short space. Kids would be a good end, if nothing else, to create namesakes for the family they both lost, and help him with final healing - Wendy, Ruth, and no less, Jennifer, the girl he probably would have married if things had gone differently.

The spelling and grammar issues are well taken, but if the story is good enough, I'm willing to give a pass on such if the story is well written and characters are believable. For the meat of the tale, it probably could have used a bit more filling out, as it seemed rushed in places, trying to cover so much emotional change in a short space.

Yes, it could use an editor, but since this is all free, finding a volunteer who will help with reading and/or editing erotica can be a real challenge.

For the other recent commentator -

The unwelcome homophobia doesn't belong here on Lit; what was described here was second hand, so no need to get your knickers in a twist. Homosexuality and lesbianism hasn't been listed as a mental illness for decades now. Leviticus 18:22 is religious doctrine, not accepted medical or psychological practice. Lit actually has categories for gay and lesbian tales. Imagine that! Before you condemn gays or writers who indirectly describe gay relationships, consider Matthew 5:41, about walking in the shoes of another person; and Matthew 7:5 and Luke 6:42 about making judgments. Love between consenting adults is where you find it; the real morality is found in what do you do to make it happen. Before I relinquish the soapbox, I want to point out that NO ONE is asking that you enjoy such literary imagery; if it offends you, simply move on. But please keep the hate at home. Better yet, let it go.

MSTarot, thank you for sharing. 5*

Suckage...and NOT in a good way. Sick, deviant, repulsive shit.

Not particularly impressed with this one... Yes it's a story dealing with dark and difficult issues and is well written in that respect (apart from the grammar\typo errors) with an unusual twist to the ending. Think that if it hadn't been as well written then I wouldn't have bothered reading it all - it kept me interested enough to want to know where things were going.

Please don't let the negative comments put you off writing more - the other stories of yours I've read have been excellent. You've written much better stuff than this.

But so very good... Thank you!

Your spelling is atrocious and your story was kind of out in left field, but, I liked the story.

The old guy

well, I can fully understand the rage, hate, depression, and finally the acceptance. I happen to be blind (caused by a hit and run while I was cycling). So, it looks like you hit the emotional roller coaster on the head.

I also found some of the thoughts and comments during the story very humorous! It is not often that I get a laugh out of such a story. However, this one hit a nerve (the funny nerve) only because I understand the pain.

oh yes, btw, I spent 20 years being angry. It wasn't until a life threatening event that I finally woke up out of "asshole" mode. so, yeah, I can, at least, accept my situation and even get a chuckle out of how stupid it can be at times. keep up the good writing! :)

Your grammar and spelling were so bad I couldn't finish this story. The "1" I gave was a gift.

A sad story with a fairly happy ending. Good plot and plot twists I didn’t see coming. Here’s hoping for some more good things from you.

Besides the obvious grammatical and spelling errors, I'm curious as to why Brandy fell for him? One would guess her love had to be motherly, because of her relationship with his mother. We can see she blames herself for their death, and guilt is one of the motivators for caring for.. ah never mind. I loved it, despite everything. 5 star. Though as an erotica, it failed miserably.

Wow, how much did I love that? 5 stars and I wish there were more to offer. A couple of typos and grammar glitches but who cares. I was once in a severe accident that hospitalized me for months, nightmares and flashbacks were with with me for years. You nailed that part. A terrific story, great twists, just enough sex to balance things out; all the food groups satisfied. More please.

loved it

Still gets me every time it’s amazing to see how far you’ve come since posting this.

Great ending after such sad start.