All Comments on 'Does Your Girl Clean Your Cock?'

by rororocastle

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  • 6 Comments
rororocastlerororocastleover 10 years agoAuthor

This was my first time writing an erotic stories. I'd greatly appreciate your feedback.

-R

FA_JFFA_JFover 10 years ago
Well...

Obviously written by a guy for guys. You've framed this as d/s, but I don't feel it. There is a overlying disdain for her and females in general that makes him repugnant. Without that attitude from him, this would be a good story. But perhaps his attitude is the point of the story?

redyellowgoredyellowgoover 10 years ago
There is a point where I feel that I might offend you...

and then well...I don't care if I do...because you asked for it...

Yes, you are a male writer, you write like a male writer, and you write for your male audience. Males are usually...again usually, w/o soft details, fact based, quick, yes quick, mostly to the point. As a women I can still read you writing and appreciate your true feelings, I like a male's POV, and how your character like many males might internalize about a female that they enjoy but are not able to produce any feellings for, I like the realism. The stroke story itself gets the job done.

Okay...I understand that you feel that you or the character in the story in a "Dom" in the making or that he is a dom due to power plays... There is a difference between dominating and domineering....and douche bag. There are many different types of Doms b/c there are many different kinds of people, so is there are right or wrong way to be a Dom? Of course there is. Your character in not in a "relationship" w/ this girl he is simply using her=hooking up. Hate to tell you, continued "use" of someone is an agreement=a non-traditional "relationship." This is where you kind of lost the BDSM thing for me you broke her trust which is key, even in vanilla. ..."So far I haven't fucked Becs without a condom. I decide to try to make tonight the night. She's in such a passive mood, maybe she won't notice or won't say anything if I just go for it." ... Bad dom! Then you played it off "its cool." No its not, its broken trust, ignored limits and unsafe behavior. At the end... ass play...she said no, then its a hard limit. It would need to be discussed not ..."what I'll do....next time." Yes as a Dom you are surpose to push and explore limits. But if it a hard limit then it should be off the table. If as a dom you feel that it is something to overcome then it needs to be discussed, not taken.

You are using key words and positioning the character to set a D/s pace to the sex they are performing for the evening. But to me you are missing the spirit of the BDSM lifestyle and what it takes to be a Dom. A real true Dom acknowledges that they need to be grateful to and for the women that are giving themselves in submission. Doms play an agreed upon role but are not misogynistic. This character reek of misogynist tones and his "training" will settle in as abuse to his "girls" in their future. I would hope that this is not your view or idea of what a dom is. I tend to see more and more males getting caught up wanting to take over in what they think is BDSM and is actually using and abusing people that trust and somewhat love them. A younger male in college will be in need of training to become a good Dom, that usually will only happen with a strong sub that he must trust and be open to. The sub will show him his strengths and weakness and help him become a better Dom and man.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
yes we do

Every college guy had a naughty slut like this, one who NEVER refused your advances

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
I wish you'd fuck me

Mmm I'm so horny.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
So Hot!!!!!

I love jt when the guy gives hints that he still cares about you deep down and that it's all part of the act. Really, it's a nice reassurance while still getting that primal need to get dominated fulfilled. <33

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