All Comments on 'Windswept Ch. 01'

interesting it has alot going for it. looking forward to more.

on your first story. I like chapter one and look forward to chapter 2, I only hope the wait isn't to long. If you wanted to write longer chapters that would be okay too...hehe-he. Good luck w/all your future writings.

This is one of the best stories I have read on this website. I have been lurking on this site for a while, and this story compelled me to join just to comment on how good this story is and on how much potential it has.

Want more.....more.....more

I'm intrigued. I'd like to see you get an editor. They could help you clean up minor errors and maybe clarify some spots. Some details like what the places they are in look like or other things noticed by the senses so the reader can picture it. At the end, for example, they are watching the guy fix Jordan up so I assume they are by the bed and then she's falling asleep on him. When did they move to a place she could sleep on him? Minor thing maybe, but it makes me pause and would break up what I was reading if it were to continue.

I am interested in what her past is and why this man didn't help her earlier if it was very bad, if indeed it was the man who cured her mom. But, I guess I have to wait for those details. I look forward to more info. The things you mentioned about this man who cured her mom temporarily, like his black wings, are very interesting. Especially when he mentions her being his first charge. An angel who heals usually has beautiful white feathered wings :) but this one has black wings? Can't wait to hear more about him! And what were the conditions of her healing? Overall, a good start to a story. Looking forward to more.

Excellent work ;)

You are so talented. I loved how the story started. While it told us about background, it did not drag the story.

To Your success :)