You wouldn't get hotel security, or call the cops. You wouldn't go back to the party and yell for help? Instead you just walk into a room where 3 guys, one with a knife, are screwing your new bride?
Unfortunately this is not very well thought out. Way too simplistic and disappointing.
nakdsub nitpicks on believability: the height of hypocrisy
This is too Rich. An author who routinely deleted ANY negative comments criticising lack of realism claiming personal attacks, suggests that a husband not struggling with 3 armed men in a hotel room and submitting to the 3 thugs because they had a knife to his throat lacks realism? Sorry Mr Hear for taking up your space but this is too much. This isn't the pot calling the kettle black; the pot just took a swipe at the best polished dinner china.
Now for the rest of the story, as for length to me was two short maybe release two chapters at a time together, but I did like it just was starting to get into it when end, oh I hate that crap. Ignore those who want the old fashion just torch the bitch story, instant gradification, is not always the best way to gain revenge, and one wants to insulate on self from going to jail, humbling Mary Ann is the main objective on that front, but I do get the feeling, that old boy is really in love with Katy, just going on my old cop/military Intel analyst instincts could be wrong. Look forward to your twist and turns.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
There are no surprises here.
We all know that he will wind up with the wonderful sister who always loved him. DG lacks imagination. This reads like a service manual. Nudesub is right. This is dull and written very blandly.
The story is four chapters. All are submitted. They are all in different categories. Our main character makes mistakes but does his best to rectify them. I hope you stay with the story. It was just too long for a single submission. For those who want to read it all at once, wait a few days and it should all be posted.
DG Hear
1. A TRUE son of the bitch, whose father was a (not true) son of the bitch married a TRUE cheating bitch.
2. To remarry the younger sister of the cheating bitch is not too good idea, if you used in a your earlier story. I agree the more posters.
3. A Monte Cristo project is good for me as a plote plan in a story, but it is difficult to build up well by the writers.
4. Generaly DGHear's story are good, so I do not worry yet, but a sister project is not too good idea. I see the more chapters.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
call police,do something
chickenshit of a hubby.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
Typical DG Hear story.
If you read one of them, you read them all. Author has a shocking lack of creativity. Portrays men as weak characters.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
Boring. Inconsistent. Plotless.
Wow, this was completely lame ass story. Sorry I read it.
1. The character is not wimp, because he started the divorce next days and he did not give her any possibility for reconcilation after the humiliation (willing sex with 3 men in front of her husband). In the XXI Century to kill everybody in that room by weapon costs 20 years prison, I agree he did not do it, only the problem why did not he leave the room soon when his wife had recognized him in the room?
2. DGH used the sister character 3 months ago in his story as to be the second wife.
If the Author had used the sister character only in his story from 2006, nobody would have murmured at all.
3. The Author can fix the story in the following chapters.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
Good first chapter
Jerry in Washington state, USA - I've enjoyed several of your stories, so I'll stick around for the next chapter(s). How much I enjoy the entire story depends on how he gets revenge on the men and the wife. I would love that he ends up marrying the sister. One of those wait and see chapters - since your story could obviously go several directions.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
5*****
Love your writing--thank you. tom anon
by
Anonymous06/03/12
Same ole, same ole`
Had this happen to me. After she cut off any chance at being romanitc, saying "I don't do that kind of stuff". all she did was keep trying to get to the family 'will' money. Then she goes out and get's herself a new boyfriend less than a week after I told her I was done being soaked for my money even though she made more than me in a stock exchange company, all while I was in the hospital for knee surgery. And she had the nerve to 'sc' the local minister on me ! Last I heard or saw, she's now working on boyfriend # 5. Good riddance and thank God !
by
Anonymous06/03/12
To short.
Rather than just posting chapters that are to short. Post the story.
this jumps around a lot. He mets mary ann gets her pregant then we learn how they met? um...what?
and who the fuck does not have cell phone that takes pictures?
why didnt he call other folks at the party to come see what his wife was doing ?
why doesnt he tell Mary Ann's arrogant parents that there daughter is whore ?
Give the story a chance. the Name, 'Need For Revenge' means something. To bad some of the readers won't be around to see what happens from here. Not every story is for everyone. Those that don't like my writing could always stop reading them.
I debated about submitting in separate chapters and I thought that 5 or more pages would turn away a lot of readers. You can always wait till the full story is posted. All chapters have been submitted so it only be a few days. Four chapters in all.
Thank you for thse who will be staying around. Your comments are always appreciated.
DG
Come on DG....one page that wasn't even that long its self!!! If your going to write a story then write it and not short change us! We love your stories but come on.....
by
Anonymous06/03/12
not one of your better stories
an author shouldn't feel the need to defend himself to the readers. You write it as you see it. However, if the other chapters are as short as this one, you could easily have split it in 2 or even just left it in one. There a re longer stories on this site that do well.
by
Anonymous06/03/12
What
What the HELL is the matter with you?
Does JPB turn you on?
Where the hell is the DGH that we have trusted and enjoyed?
Very immature and insulting DG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the two commenters who trashed me, I have a question? Did you read the story?
At the door, he was given the chance stay or leave! If you're not going to charge into the room swinging, then you leave and call 911, you get hotel security, you go back to the hall and scream your head off saying your wife is being held at knife point and raped!
No, instead our, so called hero, simply calmly, and passively, walks in and watches as 3 guys screw his wife. For the one guy...WHERE DO YOU SEE A BACKBONE HERE? Revenge? For what? The guy sat by and let it happen, he doesn't deserve revenge. He's a guilty as anyone else.
He knew he did wrong for sitting there and letting it happen. Look, most everyone makes mistakes. Jim will admit it in later chapters. He watched and let it happen. That's why he needs to do something. Hence, the future chapters. Sorry about the length for those who prefer the story all at once.
I know I do but my reading span isn't all that long. You may want to wait till all chapters are posted. Four in all.
Again thank you all for reading and taking the time to comment. I always ty to give you my best. Sometimes it may seem to fall short. By the way, I do like this story.
With respect
DG
you should not have to stop you wife from being a whore. but calling the cops and claim rape would have been fun. cant wait for the rest - a 5 on this one.
1.I think only 5% of the people does everything well in their all life. The majority of the people make little or bigger mistakes. I can imagine somebody that he forgets use his mobile for foto, when he meets such situation in which he was in this story.
2. The husband heard his wife, she enjoyed the gangbang. So to call 911 or security of the hotel was a dead idea for him.
3. I read some DGH story, where I wanted to stop reading it at the begining, fortunately I did not do it and the story was good at the end. I think is wiser thing to wait for the next chapters for apreciating this story.
4. DGH likes publishing his stories in small parts. Our comments are a punishment for his practice, if the story will be good in the next chapters.
I enjoyed reading chapter 1 and will continue with the story. DG Hear is an excellent writer of such stories and I'm sure to enjoy the remainder of the story as well.
BTW JPB has an excellent revenge story, with his general mistake, he does not write any epiloges. There the husband calls 911 and the police arrested his collegues who was in gangbang with his wife, but the wife tells to the Police she invited them in their house..................This was a prelude for the main revenge only.
I submitted a story which was 8 document pages on my word processor. I thought (mistakenly) that it was long enough for a good chapter. I was wrong because it actually worked out to one 'Lit' page.
Because of that, and because it seems a natural cut off point to the story, I say give the writer a bit of slack.
,
That being said DG, most of us don't blinkt at a 4 page story. And considering how many of us are willing to wade through a nice 8 page SS06, I'd say you slightly misread the audience. But lessons learned. Not sure how many you've submitted, but I'd consolidate the last few chapters if that's possible.
I can see what you are trying to do with the character here between the voyerurism et al. He still isn't very likeable, but I'm willing to see where you go with it.
All of your stories are great and I've read them all. I can already tell this one will be too because I'm already pissed at the wife. As far as worrying about the length...my new story for this week is uhm...78 pages typed and 12 Lit pages so don't worry about length. You keep writing em and we'll keep readin em.
DG Hear's next installment was tagged as fucking non-erotic so it won't show up as new on the LW section. So those who are looking for a follow up need to go to his page or to NE.
@ FD45 Thank You!
BTW DGH likes publishing his story chapters in more hubs. DGH published the 5 chapters of "A Thousand Bucks Ch. 05" in 4 hubs (Erotic coupling, LW, Mature, and the last 2 chapters in the Romance hubs). I almost stopped reading that story, but fortunately it became a super romantic one. I would have thought he would publish in other hubs the next chapters..................However thank you again!
What does he need revenge for ? No one made him a cuckold, it was his decision to just sit there and let it happen.
by
Anonymous10/10/12
Divorce is the only way
I would have called the police and said a rape was taking place and gave them the room number that way when they broke it up there would be witnesses
would have also taken pictures and mailed them to her family and friends.
she is nothing but a slut
by
Anonymous10/20/12
What is wrong with you?
So sh fucked som buys. Big deal. I wish I could gt my wife to fuck around. It would b hot watching her. I don't get the divorce thing. You had it made with her.
by
Anonymous12/16/12
such fucking lazy authors...
I take a stroll through this site... and I can smell the shit on the bottom of my shoe... what a bunch of pathetic, sad, fucking losers. I tell you what DG, go through the last five years of your local newspaper, take 100 hours or so and search Google... and see if you can find 1, not 10 or 20, just 1 story where a bunch of strangers assault and hold a knife on a husband while they molest his wife. I'll save you the time... you won't find 1... not a single 1... why? it's quote simple... only complete fucking morons trade 7-10 years in jail to get a sloppy fuck from a used crack. Why can't you once, just once, write a story about the people that are just like the ones you work with, or live next to... just once. someone your readers could believe might actually really exist.
by the carping criticisms that these people named Anonymous can level at good stories by some of our best writers. This story is what it is. If they don't like it, they can go do something else. For one thing, they could try to write a story that they like better, but this site won't approve it if it's signed by Anonymous. I think they should require self-appointed critics to sign their names to their comments.
I thought it was pretty good up to this point. I can't wait to see what happens in the succeeding chapters. It got a five in my judgment. Keep up the good work!
English
Come on DG...
You wouldn't get hotel security, or call the cops. You wouldn't go back to the party and yell for help? Instead you just walk into a room where 3 guys, one with a knife, are screwing your new bride?
Unfortunately this is not very well thought out. Way too simplistic and disappointing.
Interesting
Decent beginning. The circumstances are a bit unreal but there is potential for a great story. Please continue...
a well deserved
1*
nakdsub is only upset because the guy had a spine & didn't get his jollies by being cucked
good story DHG, looking foward to the next chapter
ITS HARD ENOUGH TO COPE WITH
let alone compete and try to stay healthy. TK U MLJ LV NV
So Far,
So bad. Hope it gets better.
nakdsub nitpicks on believability: the height of hypocrisy
This is too Rich. An author who routinely deleted ANY negative comments criticising lack of realism claiming personal attacks, suggests that a husband not struggling with 3 armed men in a hotel room and submitting to the 3 thugs because they had a knife to his throat lacks realism? Sorry Mr Hear for taking up your space but this is too much. This isn't the pot calling the kettle black; the pot just took a swipe at the best polished dinner china.
Okay so we now have the backdrop
Now for the rest of the story, as for length to me was two short maybe release two chapters at a time together, but I did like it just was starting to get into it when end, oh I hate that crap. Ignore those who want the old fashion just torch the bitch story, instant gradification, is not always the best way to gain revenge, and one wants to insulate on self from going to jail, humbling Mary Ann is the main objective on that front, but I do get the feeling, that old boy is really in love with Katy, just going on my old cop/military Intel analyst instincts could be wrong. Look forward to your twist and turns.
There are no surprises here.
We all know that he will wind up with the wonderful sister who always loved him. DG lacks imagination. This reads like a service manual. Nudesub is right. This is dull and written very blandly.
DG Hear
The story is four chapters. All are submitted. They are all in different categories. Our main character makes mistakes but does his best to rectify them. I hope you stay with the story. It was just too long for a single submission. For those who want to read it all at once, wait a few days and it should all be posted.
DG Hear
I decide on later about DGH's newer story
1. A TRUE son of the bitch, whose father was a (not true) son of the bitch married a TRUE cheating bitch.
2. To remarry the younger sister of the cheating bitch is not too good idea, if you used in a your earlier story. I agree the more posters.
3. A Monte Cristo project is good for me as a plote plan in a story, but it is difficult to build up well by the writers.
4. Generaly DGHear's story are good, so I do not worry yet, but a sister project is not too good idea. I see the more chapters.
call police,do something
chickenshit of a hubby.
Typical DG Hear story.
If you read one of them, you read them all. Author has a shocking lack of creativity. Portrays men as weak characters.
Boring. Inconsistent. Plotless.
Wow, this was completely lame ass story. Sorry I read it.
Good Start!
Will be waiting to see following chapters as DG is one of my favorites.
Piece of Shit
Crap, nothing but crap, did you write this while sitting on the toilet taking a shit, because you should have wiped your ass with it.
1. The character is not wimp, because he started the divorce next days and he did not give her any possibility for reconcilation after the humiliation (willing sex with 3 men in front of her husband). In the XXI Century to kill everybody in that room by weapon costs 20 years prison, I agree he did not do it, only the problem why did not he leave the room soon when his wife had recognized him in the room?
2. DGH used the sister character 3 months ago in his story as to be the second wife.
If the Author had used the sister character only in his story from 2006, nobody would have murmured at all.
3. The Author can fix the story in the following chapters.
Good first chapter
Jerry in Washington state, USA - I've enjoyed several of your stories, so I'll stick around for the next chapter(s). How much I enjoy the entire story depends on how he gets revenge on the men and the wife. I would love that he ends up marrying the sister. One of those wait and see chapters - since your story could obviously go several directions.
5*****
Love your writing--thank you. tom anon
Same ole, same ole`
Had this happen to me. After she cut off any chance at being romanitc, saying "I don't do that kind of stuff". all she did was keep trying to get to the family 'will' money. Then she goes out and get's herself a new boyfriend less than a week after I told her I was done being soaked for my money even though she made more than me in a stock exchange company, all while I was in the hospital for knee surgery. And she had the nerve to 'sc' the local minister on me ! Last I heard or saw, she's now working on boyfriend # 5. Good riddance and thank God !
To short.
Rather than just posting chapters that are to short. Post the story.
wow the structure is really bad
this jumps around a lot. He mets mary ann gets her pregant then we learn how they met? um...what?
and who the fuck does not have cell phone that takes pictures?
why didnt he call other folks at the party to come see what his wife was doing ?
why doesnt he tell Mary Ann's arrogant parents that there daughter is whore ?
DG Hear again
Give the story a chance. the Name, 'Need For Revenge' means something. To bad some of the readers won't be around to see what happens from here. Not every story is for everyone. Those that don't like my writing could always stop reading them.
I debated about submitting in separate chapters and I thought that 5 or more pages would turn away a lot of readers. You can always wait till the full story is posted. All chapters have been submitted so it only be a few days. Four chapters in all.
Thank you for thse who will be staying around. Your comments are always appreciated.
DG
???
Come on DG....one page that wasn't even that long its self!!! If your going to write a story then write it and not short change us! We love your stories but come on.....
not one of your better stories
an author shouldn't feel the need to defend himself to the readers. You write it as you see it. However, if the other chapters are as short as this one, you could easily have split it in 2 or even just left it in one. There a re longer stories on this site that do well.
What
What the HELL is the matter with you?
Does JPB turn you on?
Where the hell is the DGH that we have trusted and enjoyed?
Very immature and insulting DG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the two commenters who trashed me, I have a question? Did you read the story?
At the door, he was given the chance stay or leave! If you're not going to charge into the room swinging, then you leave and call 911, you get hotel security, you go back to the hall and scream your head off saying your wife is being held at knife point and raped!
No, instead our, so called hero, simply calmly, and passively, walks in and watches as 3 guys screw his wife. For the one guy...WHERE DO YOU SEE A BACKBONE HERE? Revenge? For what? The guy sat by and let it happen, he doesn't deserve revenge. He's a guilty as anyone else.
Thanks***
For the read waiting for the next chapters.
Pretty good so far......
Am looking forward to more installments. Thanks.
DG Hear
He knew he did wrong for sitting there and letting it happen. Look, most everyone makes mistakes. Jim will admit it in later chapters. He watched and let it happen. That's why he needs to do something. Hence, the future chapters. Sorry about the length for those who prefer the story all at once.
I know I do but my reading span isn't all that long. You may want to wait till all chapters are posted. Four in all.
Again thank you all for reading and taking the time to comment. I always ty to give you my best. Sometimes it may seem to fall short. By the way, I do like this story.
With respect
DG
after you are married
you should not have to stop you wife from being a whore. but calling the cops and claim rape would have been fun. cant wait for the rest - a 5 on this one.
As Alawys
a good tale in the works. Thanks
Small portion
1.I think only 5% of the people does everything well in their all life. The majority of the people make little or bigger mistakes. I can imagine somebody that he forgets use his mobile for foto, when he meets such situation in which he was in this story.
2. The husband heard his wife, she enjoyed the gangbang. So to call 911 or security of the hotel was a dead idea for him.
3. I read some DGH story, where I wanted to stop reading it at the begining, fortunately I did not do it and the story was good at the end. I think is wiser thing to wait for the next chapters for apreciating this story.
4. DGH likes publishing his stories in small parts. Our comments are a punishment for his practice, if the story will be good in the next chapters.
good beginning to a Loving Wife story
I enjoyed reading chapter 1 and will continue with the story. DG Hear is an excellent writer of such stories and I'm sure to enjoy the remainder of the story as well.
BTW JPB has an excellent revenge story, with his general mistake, he does not write any epiloges. There the husband calls 911 and the police arrested his collegues who was in gangbang with his wife, but the wife tells to the Police she invited them in their house..................This was a prelude for the main revenge only.
It is hard to gauge length from typed pages.
I submitted a story which was 8 document pages on my word processor. I thought (mistakenly) that it was long enough for a good chapter. I was wrong because it actually worked out to one 'Lit' page.
Because of that, and because it seems a natural cut off point to the story, I say give the writer a bit of slack.
,
That being said DG, most of us don't blinkt at a 4 page story. And considering how many of us are willing to wade through a nice 8 page SS06, I'd say you slightly misread the audience. But lessons learned. Not sure how many you've submitted, but I'd consolidate the last few chapters if that's possible.
I can see what you are trying to do with the character here between the voyerurism et al. He still isn't very likeable, but I'm willing to see where you go with it.
I trust DG - patiently waiting
I am withholding my rating until the story is complete, then will rate each segment with my overall rating!
I am weak!!!!
Wasn't going to read this until it was all posted......made it 16 hours.
Great start DG
All of your stories are great and I've read them all. I can already tell this one will be too because I'm already pissed at the wife. As far as worrying about the length...my new story for this week is uhm...78 pages typed and 12 Lit pages so don't worry about length. You keep writing em and we'll keep readin em.
OK So Far
Be a little more careful not to use "women" when you mean "woman."
A great story
And a teaser for a SS06 story bonus! Seems everyone who is anyone gravitates to your stories. It's the place to be!
Nice openers
Even though the protagonist has a real problem with voyeurism. Mary Anne is
a piece of work. In Vinho Veritas?
Public Service Announcement!
DG Hear's next installment was tagged as fucking non-erotic so it won't show up as new on the LW section. So those who are looking for a follow up need to go to his page or to NE.
@ FD45 Thank You!
BTW DGH likes publishing his story chapters in more hubs. DGH published the 5 chapters of "A Thousand Bucks Ch. 05" in 4 hubs (Erotic coupling, LW, Mature, and the last 2 chapters in the Romance hubs). I almost stopped reading that story, but fortunately it became a super romantic one. I would have thought he would publish in other hubs the next chapters..................However thank you again!
I could see why he couldn't get away from her fast enough
She is just a low down slut tramp and he's a lot better off with out her.
Now all he has to do is find a way to make all of them pay for what they did.
Thanks for the read
Thin, very very thin.
What does he need revenge for ? No one made him a cuckold, it was his decision to just sit there and let it happen.
Divorce is the only way
I would have called the police and said a rape was taking place and gave them the room number that way when they broke it up there would be witnesses
would have also taken pictures and mailed them to her family and friends.
she is nothing but a slut
What is wrong with you?
So sh fucked som buys. Big deal. I wish I could gt my wife to fuck around. It would b hot watching her. I don't get the divorce thing. You had it made with her.
such fucking lazy authors...
I take a stroll through this site... and I can smell the shit on the bottom of my shoe... what a bunch of pathetic, sad, fucking losers. I tell you what DG, go through the last five years of your local newspaper, take 100 hours or so and search Google... and see if you can find 1, not 10 or 20, just 1 story where a bunch of strangers assault and hold a knife on a husband while they molest his wife. I'll save you the time... you won't find 1... not a single 1... why? it's quote simple... only complete fucking morons trade 7-10 years in jail to get a sloppy fuck from a used crack. Why can't you once, just once, write a story about the people that are just like the ones you work with, or live next to... just once. someone your readers could believe might actually really exist.
I'm constantly amazed and irritated . . .
by the carping criticisms that these people named Anonymous can level at good stories by some of our best writers. This story is what it is. If they don't like it, they can go do something else. For one thing, they could try to write a story that they like better, but this site won't approve it if it's signed by Anonymous. I think they should require self-appointed critics to sign their names to their comments.
I thought it was pretty good up to this point. I can't wait to see what happens in the succeeding chapters. It got a five in my judgment. Keep up the good work!
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