Walking the Line

ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE

and once crossed no erasures, TK U MLJ LV NV

Pretty good quickie

Enjoyed the TTB plot. Thanks for writing.

Ahhhhhh.....

OMG! I Love A HAPPY ENDING!

Good Read

You mean if he, the brother, was a year older all would have gone well for him and Amy??
Interesting, but a bit, er, over the line of reality.... The parents are the toughest to believe in..

There was a similar story a couple of years ago about a guy in Australia, except in that one the family supported his brother in a courtship of the protagonists fiancé.
After that, they wanted is loving approval....

4 years later,

So what happened with the ex family? Perhaps I just like a moral to the story ending, but it would be nice to know how this story affected those who betrayed
the main character. One that stood out to me was the friend Jeffery Parks, what was the point of him in the story? He was introduced did his little betrayal, he only seemed to be there to amp up the betrayal. To me that feels like a cheep device.
Thanks.

A newer low IQ cheating wife character

This wife has 50 IQ against her teacher level. Does not she know the anticontraceptive technics at all????
The husband character is not whimp, he did that what he had to do. More steps are a road/way to the long time prison. According to me a CHEATING WIFE DO NOT COST ANY LONG TIME PRISON OR JAILHOUSE PUNISHMENT.

ur cut to the point

ur stories are almost short and straight to point with no elaboration or details it will nice have little details

Liked it

LOL this is a flash mini BTB. It's a good read. My only complaint is I was left wanting a future snap-shot of the P-O-S family say 4 years later.

Well done

Great little story. Thanks for the fine tale!

Another Huedogg Classic

Good story. You can only kill someone once and their regrets die with them. Spotlight the whole thing, throw their shit back in their face and put them in jail and they'll live with it forever. Downside, you really need a proofreader (contact me if you like)

incoherent babble.

I have no idea what happened in the story.
The actual structure of the story make it unreadable

in alot of ways sort of like watching the unwatchable Nancy Grace

Oh boo fuckinh hoo. Everyone shits on Hue again.

Except Aimeee of course, well not yet anyway. Dude this line is getting tired real fast. I'd give it a three but you're so fucking depressing I ain't gonna give you nothing. Keep writing, or not, whatever.

WTF?

Punctuation, word choice...not your best effort, dude. Get a freaking editor!

Excellent

Ultimate betrayal. When your little brother fucks your wife and gets her pregnant, wow, it's the worst.
Wait, the parents went along with it??? Told Pace to go along with everything for the sake of the family???
Way to go, Dogg. You said it best. "FUCK "EM!"

OH YEAH

Well I hate to admit it, but this was not horrible and had some ' real moments ' that had grace & power : that a author of the first rank will imbue his story with .

First the good, nigh great, praiseworthy points : the narrator's initial bewilderment of his own parents' taking a side against him & trying to group herd him into passivity over a egregious trespass. This was depicted very well with spot on dialogue that heightened the outrageousness.

Sad but true, how parents can side with a favorite child over the interests of the other siblings.

The 2nd vivid snapshot that caught my eye was the description of younger brother's bewilderment & outrage when he was justifiably hit back after sucker punching his older sibling.

In families, there can be a ' fortunate son' ( or daughter ) that in their deluded mind : they are sacrosanct & inviolate from retaliation no matter what. They are coddled in short . Very astute of the author to catch this.

What could have lifted this story to full-on five star status? The author went for ' this happened out of the blue ' approach ' . That happens but rarely , usually there are niggling signs or precursors of what is to come. This was a act of massive disrespect from both brother & wife - hard to fathom; there wasnt a clue to the narrator beforehand.

It was a timely choice by Huedogg to make the wife a teacher & the ursaping brother , a student under the age of consent. Several stories in that ilk have splashed across the headlines this week. This author chose to go vaudeville with this story segment till the conclusión. This was valid but didn't exploit the potential in how a media swarm will hijack your life.

The last bit of 2nd guessing is the younger brother's under- characterization bu the author . A great story of this ilk DEMANDS a great villain. Here we have merely a spoiled brat. Few specifics & precious little dialogue are assigned to him. Younger brother must have has some surface charm to lure the wife & pacify the parents, but we'll never know.

Enough criticism! Four stars for the positive attributes previously mentioned. I have a feeling the author achieved pretty much his desired sardonic tone & result. This was probably written in a rush & by that standard it's well above the median level of the tripe submitted to L.W.

Maybe one day Huedogg will push himself a but more. This story had promise & partially delivered. I thank the author for the very tangible step forwards made thus far.

Great story

I've been working on a similar story for a while that goes in a different direction, but really enjoyed this. I do wish you had written a little more about what happened afterwards to his former family and best friend, but I guess you can't have everything. Great story!

Onan-the-Fornicator said it best.

It had its moments, but man do you need a proofreader!!!!

It's Something To Read!

Thanks.

you did good dog

loved it - you are a hell of a writer. 5 in my book.

The appalling grammar, careless writing pretty well

killed any value of this submission. PLEASE find an editor!!!!

Could have been a 4 or a 5

Good read but spoilt by your lack of an editor,if this had been any longer than one page I would have given up.With a proof reader I wouldn't hesitate to read your stuff again.

Good story

I enjoyed reading your story. Great premise, good outcome. You have a mind like a steel trap, catches the reader off guard, doesn't let him get away.

Thanks for writing. An editor would help with understanding, but the truth of the matter is, you told it your way and it was understandable. If it comes down to edit and writing, just write, you do great.

Regards,
-Pultoy

Attempts at writng dialogue

Were met with failure.

Not misspelled words...Missing words

Leaving out critical words is awkward at best. Once it is clear a word is left out, then I have to imagine what word would be most interesting. Once I've amused myself THAT way, I then try to figure out what word was actually intended! Once I've done that, then I try to remember where I am in the story!
When hiring the Barracuda Barrister, Hubby informed him about his secret plan! Hubby had already dropped the stink-bomb at the ADA about his minor brother being a student in Sweety's school (remember - reporters were yammering at his place the next morning.) I am STILL trying to figure out Hubby's 'secret plan'!

I agree completely and enequivocally with,,,,

,,,those readers who can actually read and saw this as incoherent babble. Or at best nebulous gibberish. Good god man.

one flaw

She wouldn't be charged with rape because the age of consent in texas is 17 (most states have the age less then 18).She would be fired but other than that she wouldn't face prosecution since bro could consent.

good story

Thanks liked your story. Yes some words were wrong but I got what you were trying to say. Yes a proof read would help. But I don't come here to read the great american novel, just to go to fantasy land for a while.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Mike from Texas

it is a story

and the author gets to decide what goes on in his world and if under 18 is rape then it is rape.

I was the editor

I was the "editor" of this piece. It was published before I was done with it . My normal process is to go through a piece three or four times. Through a misunderstanding this story did not go through that process. After the first cleanup in which even I did not understand the plot, I did my normal first edit,namely catching the gross mistakes. Had I been able to follow my normal process, the story would have been a lot cleaner. This type of mistake will NOT be made in the future.

Any questions, feel free to contact me.

Scalia

Scalia is spot on

I have a two people that normally look over the stories, I just asked if the like it or not. That's about deep as I get in to it, they tell me what I mispelled and I go from there. This was somewhat of a new experience for me, it turned out to be a learning experience. I once again thank Scalia for the help and as I said before Thanks to my editor.

Hue let the Dogg out, Again!

GREAT STORY! Could have used a little more narration on the post pain to the family and wife. Guess I just like seeing the bad guys bleed.

What is the measure of a good story?

For some as long as it has revenge it must be a good story.
There were so many problems with the lack of editing of this story it became a chore to read.
There was no character development. I couldn't find myself caring about whatever his name was.
It was totally unrealistic which doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. But this was over the top.
Huedogg2 you need to spend less time attacking other authors and spend more time editing.
First drafts should never be published.
But that's seems to be a common theme with your stories.
Still, this was an improvement over your other stories.
While that doesn't say much, you are evidently getting better.
So keep trying.

It was way to short

I liked the story but I can't say I loved it, there's a lot of unanswered questions as far as the Pedophile wife & the scandalous family members are concerned. What did she hope of accomplishing when she had the husband (pace) served? Is she sorry for all that has happened or did she wish she waited till the lover becomes 18? Does she wants to be with him again? How bout his fucked up parents? It was short & very rushed, it had a lot of grammar problems also... I'd like it if pace actually sat down with the slut just to see what she had to say.... I really couldn't get into it because of the abruptness of it all.... There's a beginning but there's no middle (at least to me) & there's no end... I want to know if his so call family try to make amends... This story wasn't very satisfying.... Put a chapter 2 or3..

OK, Editor wasn't finished

But there were other errors too.

The age of consent in Texas is 17.

She did break conditions of employment, but that's an employment issue, not criminal. In a recent case, the court found a teacher innocent of statutory rape as the student was of the age of consent.

On to other errors - you cannot get a restraining order before you go to court! You didn't explain how a deputy was already there with their children when he had just met with them.

You really needed to explain why his friend took on his wife.

This read more like an outline than a story, you really need to flesh it in.

Regards,
ttom

Fun read, thanks for writing. Bad writing or not I enjoyed the story. Keep writing.

Inane and half illiterate.

For Gods sake,don't you have an editor? Why don't you learn to write in English? This was nearly as bad as 'witerfrogs' stories. 1 star of course.

#2 ONCE IN LOVE WITH AIM-EE

now not in love with any amy #1. TK U MLJ LV NV

Huedogg, I like your stories dude

they bring out all of the fags and out of worker editors, I mean it guy, look at this punk
roscovich, all his old ass does is run around talking about who can't write. He's like that other fag, fuck I for got the queens name. If you suck at writing then why do they keep reading your stories? Maybe you should move a copy to the the gay section so they will be at home.

Well..

@ttom76 you are correct that the age of consent in Texas is 17, BUT their is a stipulation that the other party has to be within three years of age to the younger party.

I came back to vote on it. At first 1*. As a story it sucks.

Then I realized I was reading some high class comedy. Probably better suit to Loving Families than Loving Wives. haha. A parody of a parody of...I started giggling like a butt-fucked chica. The absurdity and the self-pity! What a filthy dirty fucking family. It must be tough being related to that kinda fucking inhuman scum. Class. So .. 5*

Thanks for writing.

Thanks for the offering. Interesting storyline.

Funny and Highly Unlikely

Hue, you're one of the reasons why I like to read stories here. This story made my day. Funny. No doubt you found a story line that describes the one and only dysfunctional family unit in the known world, hell the known universe. AND that takes talent. However, you sure could have used an editor on this one. Maybe the premise and the spelling is what made this a fun read. Keep writing though. Thanks for the laugh.

great story and very humorous

I enjoyed the story for some reason. I've seen people that are dysfunctional while living in the city and working in politics for decades. There are a lot of stories. The author showed a great deal of heart in his characters. His wife Amy was a complete psycho skank. His parents were blatant assholes. His younger brother seemed to be a felon neophyte in training by his pathetic parents. The level of disrespect the main character endures justifies his scourched earth revenge tactics. Amy should've gotten the death penalty with no chance of getting to heaven. I loved the way this author thinks. Thank you for the short but heavy ride.

That was funny

I like the way you just opened up a big ole' can of Whoop Ass on everyone.

Better The Second Time

The betrayal of the whole family was inexcusable. The whore deserved jail, the brother deserved juvie and the parents got nothing. In the end the hero found happiness. Fuck all the lowlifes involved.

Interesting

Your last paragraph was incoherent. You should stay off stuff when writing.

legal

Age of consent is not a factor in a case of abusing a position of trust.
He was a student at the school that she taught at, even if he was 18 that would still be a crime.

Why cant authors get an editor?

OR at the very least proofread before they submit. The many errors make the story too distracting to be readable.

Grammarians dancing

Hd2, I enjoyed your writing style and and how succinctly you developed your story. Your tale, your voice, your choices.

As for all the whiny comments. Academic English is NOT a language. Academic English is a pseudo-religious doctrine dictated by corybants.

Second read

Works for me. Wonder what the mother thinks now of her pride and joy, her "baby"?