Ok. Until this chapter I really liked the potential of this story but THIS chapter REEKED of arrogance and pompousness. It was completely unsubtle and ethnocentric. Yes, I mean ethnocentric. I'm not even American and I found it offensive and obnoxious to read. The only thing that came through for me about this character in this chapter is that it's fatheaded. Plus you really need to review airport protocols for take offs. I tought the Bin Laden bit in the previous chapter had been humourous but realising you seem to be going with it seriously just ruins it for me.
This chapter did a lot of damage to the story as it seemed to be flowing. I'll wait until the next one to see if it comes back together but I was enjoying the story until you put in roughly the last half of this chapter. As it stands you have lost my enjoyment of your writing.
so don't try. Write your story the way you feel comfortable! Don't force yourself to write more than you want, it may show thru in your story. I think you jumped in w/both feet in this chapter. The previous chapters helped to set up the characters and now the plot starts. It had to start somewhere. I look forward to reading the next chapter to see how Alera handles this new conflict w/Dimitri. And what if anything does this have to do w/the 5 who where killed? Several things going on at once that only by reading more will I start to see the whole picture.
by
Anonymous06/05/12
Umm..
Cliff hanger much???
Keep up the good work look forward to reading more xx
by
Anonymous06/14/12
Ugh
When we asked for longer chapters, we didn't mean the addition of nonsense. No purpose if served making the entire focus of the chapter on how super smart Alera is - you went to huge lengths to impress upon us her many, many accomplishments. *sigh* Where's the romance? 4 chapters and we're still waiting...ugh!
by
Anonymous06/15/12
"Ok. Until this chapter I really liked the potential of this story but THIS chapter REEKED of arrogance and pompousness. It was completely unsubtle and ethnocentric. Yes, I mean ethnocentric. I'm not even American and I found it offensive and obnoxious to read. The only thing that came through for me about this character in this chapter is that it's fatheaded. Plus you really need to review airport protocols for take offs. I tought the Bin Laden bit in the previous chapter had been humourous but realising you seem to be going with it seriously just ruins it for me."
I could not agree more with this comment.
by
Anonymous06/21/12
Pfft!
How Alera sees herself is taken far too seriously by some. Her flaws and inflated self esteem are points that allow character development or future failure to be redeemed.
It's true that she's a bit of a characture atm, but it seems to reflect the pace by which her life just spiraled out of control.
You move the reins as you will. There's another series here that reads like a Dragnet season and it entertains very well, surprisingly. Success is often found outside the norm. :)
English
Ok. Until this chapter I really liked the potential of this story but THIS chapter REEKED of arrogance and pompousness. It was completely unsubtle and ethnocentric. Yes, I mean ethnocentric. I'm not even American and I found it offensive and obnoxious to read. The only thing that came through for me about this character in this chapter is that it's fatheaded. Plus you really need to review airport protocols for take offs. I tought the Bin Laden bit in the previous chapter had been humourous but realising you seem to be going with it seriously just ruins it for me.
I feel that this chapter was wrong...
This chapter did a lot of damage to the story as it seemed to be flowing. I'll wait until the next one to see if it comes back together but I was enjoying the story until you put in roughly the last half of this chapter. As it stands you have lost my enjoyment of your writing.
Can't Please Everyone
so don't try. Write your story the way you feel comfortable! Don't force yourself to write more than you want, it may show thru in your story. I think you jumped in w/both feet in this chapter. The previous chapters helped to set up the characters and now the plot starts. It had to start somewhere. I look forward to reading the next chapter to see how Alera handles this new conflict w/Dimitri. And what if anything does this have to do w/the 5 who where killed? Several things going on at once that only by reading more will I start to see the whole picture.
Umm..
Cliff hanger much???
Keep up the good work look forward to reading more xx
Ugh
When we asked for longer chapters, we didn't mean the addition of nonsense. No purpose if served making the entire focus of the chapter on how super smart Alera is - you went to huge lengths to impress upon us her many, many accomplishments. *sigh* Where's the romance? 4 chapters and we're still waiting...ugh!
"Ok. Until this chapter I really liked the potential of this story but THIS chapter REEKED of arrogance and pompousness. It was completely unsubtle and ethnocentric. Yes, I mean ethnocentric. I'm not even American and I found it offensive and obnoxious to read. The only thing that came through for me about this character in this chapter is that it's fatheaded. Plus you really need to review airport protocols for take offs. I tought the Bin Laden bit in the previous chapter had been humourous but realising you seem to be going with it seriously just ruins it for me."
I could not agree more with this comment.
Pfft!
How Alera sees herself is taken far too seriously by some. Her flaws and inflated self esteem are points that allow character development or future failure to be redeemed.
It's true that she's a bit of a characture atm, but it seems to reflect the pace by which her life just spiraled out of control.
You move the reins as you will. There's another series here that reads like a Dragnet season and it entertains very well, surprisingly. Success is often found outside the norm. :)
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