All Comments on 'Caleb Woke Up Ch. 01'

Mel is still wearing it, right?

That is just the kind of thing I am likely to overlook with the random self-editing I do, but it is there. Maybe I could have made a bigger production of it.

Caleb got embarrassed for telling her to get a nicer boy friend, so he started to disengage, and asked for the necklace back.

ah pretty good first installment, looking forward to next

I can't wait for part 2!!!!!!

With a necklace like that, the boy is going to find a lot of women to help him become a real stud.

I hope his mom will be one of the women that want to pleasured.

Thanks for the read.

Good start, but the writing is rather primitive. You should use more contractions in your dialogue, that's the way people really talk. Also, some other grammar/writing problems. You might want to find an editor to help go over your work before posting.

good storyline

I just finished final edits. Expect more contractions in chapter 2 (sexual and grammatical).

I have a first draft for chapter 3. I tend to massage it a lot before I release it.

I wouldn't mind lining up an editor, but I wasn't sure if my stuff was worth an editor's time. There is some really good writing here, and I recognize that I am just an amateur hack.

I think this is going to be a good one. I certainly have enjoyed what I have read so far.

loved keep it going i see that this story go go far

I don't do it professionally or anything, but if you need a proofreader I'd be willing to help.

There's some really endearing characters here and very exciting situations. It's a testament to the story's vision that the sometimes awkward phrasing and writing hardly took away from the effectiveness. Keep improving and keep writing!

I'm wating...

I haven't figured out how the approval / post process works.

I had submitted the chapter for approval several days ago, but I keep re-editing and re-submitting this chapter, pretty much daily. So my assumption is that management is waiting for the dust to clear before posting. And I sort of wonder if somebody is hoping /waiting for me to get an editor.

Chapter 2 is definitely better today than it was two days ago.

The chapter has three sections/scenes covering almost three pages. Maybe it would be easier if I broke them out into chapters, and released them separately as one page each.

Chapter 2 - 6/21 - Driving Miss Anna

Chapter 3 - 6/22 - Choir Practice

Chapter 4 - 6/21 - Potluck

Looks like Chapter 3 comes out a day later than chapter 4. I assume this is because I put it in Sci-Fi fantasy on a whim. It is a mind control device, but the boy isn't smart or evil enough to use it. It's more like the girls are seducing him and fulfilling their fantasies (poor Caleb.)

You can read chapter 4 with out reading chapter 3. Chapters 2-4 are kind of self-contained if you already read chapter 1.

I expect I will get a different type of feedback from the scifi-fantasy category. Should be interesting.

Regarding the editor thing, I am going to try and see if I can edit my own stuff, put it out in smaller chunks, and read and edit the crap out of it. Nothing against editors, I just feel guilty imposing on them. Also, linking up with the right one seems a little daunting.

Interesting beginning, you've got my interest and I'm looking forward to the next chapters.

The Story and can see alot of Possibilities with the Story. It will be interesting to see how Mom reacts and if Dad finds out how he will react to the way Brother and Sister and Possibly Mom our getting it on.

An interesting story, but apparently the author has not ever made lime jello with pineapple. Jello or any gelatin will not set if fresh pineapple is used. The enzymes in pineapple keep the gelatin from being able to set. Canned pineapple that has been cooked may work.

My memory fails me. Mybe it was mixed with cream cheese or something.

I should have gone with Mandarin oranges. That seems more true to my memories.

I should have researched that point. Thanks again.

hey bacon, continuing here from our ch 6 comments re: sharing.

Of course, you are in charge of the narrative... and I wouldn't mention this if I didn't respect you. This is sort of an ongoing disagreement amongst erotica writers.

But for my definition of an alpha-male I look to nature/biology. Where an alpha male has exclusive breeding rights to the alpha female or -all- the females in the pride. Anything less than this is a satellite male. Most writers seem to be after creating a character that is "king of the satellite males" but to me this is the opposite of an alpha male and will always be unsatisfying.

First, I love it the idea that there might be literary circles that debate what approaches are more erotic and satisfying. Like my mother-in-law has these reading circles where they drink wine and discuss books. I can just imagine a group of sweaty middle aged men with their bud-lites and craft beers debating the finer points of erotica.

I see discussion threads in the forum, but we should think about starting literary circles that force us to read shit we might not normally read and discuss the good and bad. But I digress.

So I understand what you're saying. I get it. I really do. I am certainly not belittling the point, and I largely agree. I would prefer that the guy with the power doesn't bring his friend in on the deal. Or I hate when the dad gets in the way of things.

I have read a lot of the MC stories. It is one of my guiltiest pleasures. They rule when they include the fam. I write this because I find them to be really compelling, and I don't see enough of them that go the way I want.

I have seen a lot of the stories done poorly or hastily, and I see some tired trends. Some go a bit more brutal or hateful than I'd like. So in general, what compels me to write this series is to try to take some of the less common paths, keep it lighter, and to try and put a little effort into the structure and readability. Above all, I want a lot of titillation.

I am writing for the skimmers like me who don't mind a little build up, but are sometimes going to skim looking for the satisfaction. I don't want there to be any confusion about who's talking. I don't want there to be any confusion about the relationship. I don't want to bury or hide any hot action in the center of a huge paragraph. I want a lot of titillation.

I also want to acknowledge that the feelings of an adolescent boy who has grown up in a house full of women is confused with erections anytime the wind blows, and your close family relations start setting you off..

So to at least partially answer your concerns, I'm not going for satellite. I'm thinking more as Caleb trying his pimp hand with his hoes. (Really?) OK, maybe not that strong of a position, but I could see the dad being cut off with out killing him. I expect the sexual relationship has been dead for years, so cutting him off wouldn't be noticeable. Honestly I think he would rather be out playing golf with his buds, or looking at his hidden porn stash or what ever. I appreciate it when authors take the short cut and vilify the dad and send him packing, or kill him. It makes for a neat path, and it removes the obstacle. But I'm trying to find a way to get to that place in a different way; where the dad can be likeable but deprecated with out actually castrating him. Maybe I'm going to find that it doesn't work. Will need to see how it progresses.

In any case, I don't think Caleb has evolved enough to completely exercise his rights yet. He still needs a little more building up of his confidence.

Love the comments.

I have chapter 7 in the final stages of editing so it could be out the end of this week, I think.

- McBacon

Nice start to a good story. I'm reading on to see how Caleb makes out with his sister and his mom. I wish him well!

so I am off to read the next chapter. it is fun so far seeing the awakening and wondering where you are taking him/them/us. .

He's childhood is so sad :(

The story has a nice flow developing. Too bad Caleb didn't have a BLT instead of tuna for lunch. L O L! :-) MP2

Don’t know what happens just the opening makes me want to smack someone. Would have gave mom one choice. I go alone to auction or go back to my room and never get a job or go to school and never move out. She wants control that only way she could have it.

Almost didn't read it because of mom's attitude.