I had a hard time following your story as it ran on within the paragraphs. Flip-flopping between past and present tenses...
You know. I will stop there. When I read stories on Literotica here, I read them for enjoyment. I do not like stories that make me read it as an editor, which this story could desperately use.
Now don't get me wrong. It is a good storyline, and I like these types as much as anyone. I just think you should take it down and run it through an editor. Take out the errors, add a little more in certain areas, and I think you would have an excellent story for your readers.
English
Not Very Good.
I had a hard time following your story as it ran on within the paragraphs. Flip-flopping between past and present tenses...
You know. I will stop there. When I read stories on Literotica here, I read them for enjoyment. I do not like stories that make me read it as an editor, which this story could desperately use.
Now don't get me wrong. It is a good storyline, and I like these types as much as anyone. I just think you should take it down and run it through an editor. Take out the errors, add a little more in certain areas, and I think you would have an excellent story for your readers.
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