All Comments on 'My Skin'

I liked that, it's good to exercise yourself as a writer.

I'm not sure that ending with Ron disappearing was entirely necessary, it kind of suddenly adds this doubtful dimension to an otherwise fairly light-hearted piece. I mean you introduce Ron near then end and don't really give the reader enough to develope an idea of your main protagonist's attachment to him, while we do have a sense of her independence and pride as she works. This means that at the end when she's left looking around the room for her absent boyfriend we have an image of her as a lost puppy, which contradicts everything else you've told us about her. Maybe that was your intention, maybe I misunderstood what you wrote, but to me it kind of detracts from the otherwise light nature of the piece.

Still, it was, is, a really good read and you're brave for putting up something void of sex.

Ron was a late addition to this story, which actually began as something else entirely. It was merely going to be the lead-in to a dungeon-BDSM story, but it never seemed to behave and get there, so I pared it down into a story unto itself. Ron was added with the idea that there would be a second chapter putting him in a more central role.

I very much appreciate the comment.

B

Brandie, I enjoyed the story. I see that you did write a 3 story sequel. You have received good marks in the voting for your other stories, but no red H as yet. I hope you get a red H with this one.

Please give us at least one sequel.

For an "exercise" this was exceptional.

Nicely done!

I was so worried that this would be my worst-received story of all, and that's why I put the warning at the beginning. I do intend a sequel, but just as with the other story, I have to wait until it comes to me, so to speak. :)

B

the "exercise," once I stopped trying to make it be a story that it didn't want to be, was to pare the descriptions down severely. This was several hundreds of words longer than it is now when it was in its first draft, but all of the actions are still there. I found in my earlier writing that I tended to repeat myself and over-describe certain things. Each time I went back to edit it and slashed away whole sentences, I was surprised at how it held the same meaning. Reading it again now, there are still more things I would take out, including, probably, everything about dating and the character Ron. Anyway, stay tuned....

B

You admit introducing Ron was an afterthought, but it's really his sudden disappearance which doesn't work, unless it was to come halfway through a longer story. Is he the "man with such steely control", or did a new lover come along to replace him? Is there perhaps a more favourable explanation (such as his leaving the table to arrange a private dance)?

If you do extend this story, it would have benefited from a longer passage describing her first time on stage, her anxiety, sexual buzz, etc. Alternatively, this could come as a flashback during dialogue between her and an intrigued Ron. Also, you never touched upon her audition.

No Sex didn't stop me from enjoying this story.

You had me at --

"Once in a while a girl would crawl around the stage on her hands and knees, exposing not just her genitals but also her bare little ass to the faces of those men, and sometimes the girl would use her hands on her behind to spread herself even more."

And you adding this trick to your Stripping repertoire made things Hotter.

Another very good one!

Bring on the sequel.

You raise some nice points. Men like women to be willing to have sex, but only with themselves. They want women to know what to do in bed, but be a virgin. They want their partner to be honest, but can't handle the honesty.

And who is really exploiting whom here? The dancers know what they are doing, they aren't forced to do it, and they are being paid. The men ... one can't help feeling a little sorry for them. Is that all there is to sex? Paying to watch someone strip, and never touch?

And as for the boyfriend: nice touch. I hoped he would be gone at the end of the evening, it made the story more real.

I like the way you explored the stripper's (narrator's) emotions about what she was doing.

Your writing takes me places, in this instance right inside a strip club. Oh, OK, maybe it's my own memories of a misspent youth taking over. Seriously, I was transported to the scene while reading this and was given an interesting and seductive view of it through the eyes of a would-be dancer and then dancer. I liked it a great deal, although I join some of the others in finding the ending a bit jarring to the senses. I didn't find her to be particularly needy, although you did set it up somewhat through her semi-judgment of men through the second-date rule and then the "I want you to come" passage (very well done, by the way). But was it a stamp of approval she was seeking? Acknowledgement of her enjoyment? Sharing of her enjoyment? That it's provoked so much thought on my part perhaps makes it a damn good ending after all! Another great story from an author who knows what she's doing.

I've been searching the net for stories like this for ages. This is one of the best I've seen along these lines. My only wish is that you would have gone into far more detail of your first time stripping; how you felt as you removed each piece of clothing. Were you having second thoughts about pulling off your thong and running back stage, etc.

Nice story, Ron's a dud. :-(

Thanks for your telling of your saga of your start into the world of ‘showing your skin’. I am interested to where this was as where I am the ‘show girls’ are not permitted to show their love slot and opening even in private shows.

It was very interesting to read of your inner tensions of wanting to show all you have and shyness and embarrassment. I am pleased displaying your body won. It would be great to see some pics of you doing what you did then, if you have not. The guys (were they a few girls?) were very interested in viewing your love petals close up. unsurprisingly!! Partly their interest and partly the quality of what you have tucked away (sometimes), I reckon.

It is a very erotic, sexy, arousing item but I agree with another reply, that I would more details of what it was like and what you felt like with the various moves and displays you made and what you thought and what they said. So, yes please, more.

Oh, some descriptions of activities, feeling, thoughts when doing private shows would be appreciated and enjoyed.

Thanks heaps. JJ.