My gripe is primarily with the technical and not the content or the writing:
"Godiva took the scroll close to the candles burning near the fireplace. Her body shone in the flickering light." Why not, "She read the scroll." instead? I am not particularly interested in her glistening skin in a paragraph about reading a scroll. The extra description serves little purpose other than to help meet the 750 word minimum.
You write quite well, choose interesting topics and keep to the theme, but in the effort to gloss it up, sometimes use extra language which I find unnecessary.
by
07/03/12
Commenting on the comment
My view on the "extra language" in Ogg's piece is that it's totally appropriate, and beneficial to the story. If this had been a newspaper article, brevity would be preferred. In fiction, brevity can detract from the impact of the story in that it leaves nothing for the reader to visualize in their mind.
Nice work Ogg. It's so refreshing to find your little gems brightening up the rock-strewn landscape.
English
Good topic - just misses
My gripe is primarily with the technical and not the content or the writing:
"Godiva took the scroll close to the candles burning near the fireplace. Her body shone in the flickering light." Why not, "She read the scroll." instead? I am not particularly interested in her glistening skin in a paragraph about reading a scroll. The extra description serves little purpose other than to help meet the 750 word minimum.
You write quite well, choose interesting topics and keep to the theme, but in the effort to gloss it up, sometimes use extra language which I find unnecessary.
Commenting on the comment
My view on the "extra language" in Ogg's piece is that it's totally appropriate, and beneficial to the story. If this had been a newspaper article, brevity would be preferred. In fiction, brevity can detract from the impact of the story in that it leaves nothing for the reader to visualize in their mind.
Nice work Ogg. It's so refreshing to find your little gems brightening up the rock-strewn landscape.
Good Take on an old story
The writing is of unusually high quality and the characters come alive.
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