Lost in Dreamland

Sex Kitten try this, please.

You could become one of my favorite authors on here. I like the way your mind works and the story line, though extremely difficult to read, was good. Please ask one of us that are editors on here to help. Most of us have the experience and training to help you along this rocky path. If you would like me to help or perhaps recommend someone else just ask.

Not bad

Enjoyed the story, please continue.

Very desciptive, I really liked it. keep em cumming. but it needs is paragraph breaks.

Good start

Good start, but please enlist the services of an editor, the story is difficult to read.

hot

hot and very descriptive.....got me hard and ready for more......part 2 soon please

good story

nice one but you should think about breaking it up into easy to read paragraphs

Nice dream

Nice dream.
Ok so you ran it all together, keep writhing, this is your first story so learn from your mistakes.

Hard to read, but good

Have you thought about submitting an edit, breaking it into paragraphs? I like the whole dream concept, pehaps a longer, more action-packed edited version would be possible?
Still good as it is, though, keep submitting, please.

DELETE DELETE DELETE

this should never have been posted it needs PARAGRAPHS to be readable as is it is a waste of time and space never post a story in this condition again.

Structure?

Did you take English in High School?