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English
Punctuation?
Are you allergic to paragraphs? This wall of text is illegible.
Oh my...
I hated reading Ulysses because of the stream of consciousness narrative. The same occurs in this story. Punctuation, sentence structure and grammar all have a place in writing.
punctuation!
Gave up after first section. Too many mistakes, which is a real shame.
mister anonymous knowall
this is an erotic love story not a novel produced for a wide and varied audience, printed and sold at waterstones, its merely a story so who really cares about the punctuation mister booker prize?
for the record from my point of view plot ok, good read. how it looks does not bother me, good effort.
forget comments from sad anoraks
Forget The Negative Comments!
Your plot was lovely and erotic, too. A cute little story of love. Thanks for submitting it. Don't take to heart what that idiot of a man has said. Blokes shouldn't be on this site anyway - This is a Lesbian Site after all, isn't it!!
In need of editing
You have great ideas and much creativity. Your stories would be more enjoyable to read if you used the services of one of literotica's volunteer editors for punctuation and grammar.
Two points
Firstly, I agree with the previous comment. There is some talent there but you need to get a grip of your grammar and spelling or use an experienced editor. Words and grammar are a writer's tools and like any tools, they need to be used properly. The other point is that in this particular story, the one long paragraph was a big mistake. Long paragraphs, within reason, are fine in print but very tiresome to read on a computer screen.
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