My Little Harem Ch. 02

Very nice chapter 2

As I mentioned in my 1st comment, you slowed down the "fast action" and concentrated on WHO was next to be in his harem.

You got his nurses friend and then you got the "Hot Doctor" as well, and the way the story seems to be going, another hot nurse is next in line of our hero's "Little Harem".

Can't wait for the next chapter of this series, Keep it cumming!!!!

C'mon!

Your plot went into the trash bin w/ ch2, and either the VE's suggestions were not listened to, or she quit. I'm guessing it was the latter.

Do you even know what "virginities" means?

UGHH....

Pretty adolescent, there. Are you sure that you are older than 16?

keep going

I like the story and it seems to be developing very well.

Hot!

I like the rapid growth of the harem it is very exciting. The gratitious use of "yes master" is pretty hot also.

The rapid healing after the gun shot suggests that the main characters powers go beyond mere mind control. I hope to see further development of the main character's power. Maybe, a little phyical transformation to make him able to handle an ever growing harem.

Keep it up.

`I guess it wasn't clear enough

To make it plain, the character Colleen is ultra conservative and anything beyond missionary position would be new to her. Thus "virginities"

I like this story, much more than Ch. 01. I think one or two girls too many have been introduced in such a short span and they've not been "explored" enough, but it's definitely enough for me to keep reading and perhaps that will change in Ch. 03.

Hmmm

I like the story concept. And please take the rest as constructive criticism, as you seem to be a new author, and you can only improve by writing more and more. But it feels rushed to me. Its like you know where you want the scene to end, and then describe the basics to get to that point, but miss the details in getting to that point. This seems more like someone telling a story in written form than someone writing a story.

I certainly hope you keep writing, and I hope to see improvement!!!

For an IMAGINATION , I would rank yours as 11 (on a 10 scale), but it's a good one!