Please be careful with your tense. You are taking us into the past, so you should make sure that all sentences reflect that. Example: In paragraph 4 you wrote "his moans 'become' " when it should be 'became'. It throws off the pacing of the story when things like this happen.
English
awesome all the wy around
great story, nicely written
Nice but....
Please be careful with your tense. You are taking us into the past, so you should make sure that all sentences reflect that. Example: In paragraph 4 you wrote "his moans 'become' " when it should be 'became'. It throws off the pacing of the story when things like this happen.
Yuck
Passive Voice for Sex? It has little to do with the contest theme, failed to excite me either with the characters or with the story.
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