All Comments on 'Slavery Ch. 02'

I am enjoying this story, can't wait to see where it goes

What happens next? Your description of the planet is very colourful and you made it enjoyable. Athough it is difficult with the language barrier, your descriptive writing makes it flow perfectly and I don't feel dialogue is missing. Can't wait for the next chapter. Thank you

Thus far. Can not wait for the next update.

I like how this is going. Can't wait to see what happens next. If you're up for taking in ideas, maybe work in her getting an implant of some kind so she can understand and speak the language? I'm sure you've already figured it out for later chapters, but language barriers always drive me a bit crazy in some of these stories lol.

Can't wait to read more...

Your transition from the market to the bedroom needs work. Your determination to stick to one page led to an awkward and artificial division that is far too abrupt. Otherwise quite enjoyable.

enjoying this, looking forward to the next installment.

Your writing is good but you jump from one setting to the next without any transitions (ie. market to the sparring ring, sparring ring to the bedroom??). It would make it easier if you could just give is a bit of a transition, like they walked back to the villa after the sparring blah blah...

Once again, thanks for the feedback. Now I know how long a page is, my next submission will be longer. I can only apologise for the transitions; originally my text was submitted as a word document and there were little stars to indicate a change in place. Unfortunately, I had to submit it again as it wouldn't open, and as I was feeling intellectually challenged, I clearly forgot to leave instructions for these to be place. I really appreciate it being brought to my attention, and will rectify it before I suit tomorrow :)

Alice xxx

I am enjoying your story. I like the pacing of it and their interactions. Please post again soon

I love this story, and want to stay with it, but the transitions in this chapter are difficult and I found myself going back to see if I missed something. it is like you cut stuff out; why? I wish you would put back in the detail. This is a great story and deserves to have all details shared! For example, one moment he buys her a gift and they walk out the door, but then she is somewhere watching him train. Then he looks at her, and suddenly they re in his room and he is raping her. When did they arrive at the training area? When did they leave? Why is he raping her and ignoring her when he has been so tender until now? Keep writing, I will keep following. The details, I believe are what made you get a "H" rating for chapter 1. Looking forward to chapter 3!

Hey give yourself a break. You are a first time author and I think it's expect that you have a few kinks to work out. I think you are doing a nice job telling your story and I look forward to chapter 3

I must say, that I thoroughly enjoyed reading through these two chapters, because of the expressiveness of writing and the fondness for characters that you incur.

I will, however, say that I have no idea why people didn't fetch onto the transitions. maybe you didn't notice, guys, but the space between transitions is notably larger.

Keep going and don't worry about the kinks along the way. This is your first story, and you are learning as you go. The story has hooked me, and I look forward to reading more. Good job!

Please post more!

Such a great story so far! I'm hooked! Can't wait to read more!!

Can't wait to read more....

Dr Wolf and co,there is a new player in town!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Easily 5 stars.

I really enjoyed the second chapter, thanks once more!

great beginning . Can't wait to read the rest of the chapters .

I felt like there's some missing text here. One minute she's watching him fight, the next they're in a bedroom which was more than a tad confusing lol.

I do like how she's relatively understanding of her position and not throwing tantrums and crying all the time. It's much more believable imo. Then again I'm a Gorean slave at heart so maybe I'm biased...