My Dark Angel

In the beginning it felt like a gay version of twilight :) I am glad as it went on that you began to make it your own. Look forward to where it goes. I would recommend your hooking up with an editor. You can get one through the site or ask someone who leaves helpful comments. The one thing I notice is you are a fan of very long run-on sentences :) There were times you even switched subjects and kept it part of another sentence. I noticed on avg, I could have separated some of these into 3-4 different sentences. So, try to notice that. Keep writing!

LOVED IT!!!!!!!!

KEEP WRITING IT WAS AWESOME!!!! =)

don't worry i have written more and i will keep on for a while i hope

Great start! looking forward to the next chapter . :-)

agree

I agree with cannad, you need an editor. The story was good but I felt at times a slight tweak would have made it read better.

I have prepared the second part of this story already but i am contacting an editor as some of you have advised, once he has read through it and if he has any pointers i will adjust my story writing, thank you for your comments

Excessive use of commas.

Please do look into learning proper punctuation. I should have loved to read your work, but with this rampant comma-ing and no natural pauses it became impossible for me. A shame.

commas.? god i could say a lot more 3 stars will cover it

good start

Improved punctuation is a must. Some general editing would also help. Liked your effort in the story.

Good Story

Punctuation aside, this is a really good story. A great plot where the vampire experiences first love.

Good

Could care less about the comma's blah blah blah, it was good, I am not sentive to a few typo's or whatever.

Learn to use the period, also known as the full stop. It's a little dot we use to indicate the end of one sentence and the beginning of another.

Umm duh

What are you grammar police??
Tauger, the story rocks ....gonna read the whole thing...

very hot

I wish I was james

thanks bill47

:) thank you for your comment
if you want to ask me any questions about any of my published stories, or want to ask about any of my unpublished stories email me at c145236@hotmail.com

Soo fucking hot !!

If Louis has an irish brogue he will sound damn sexy. This couple are sizzling hot, sweet and seductive. It's hard not to fall for Louis and how he makes out with James.

I loved the 1st instalment and am dying to read more. ^v^

bigjonathan

what?

It's great but you need to either get someone to edit it or add the grammar so obviously missing