Sorry but reads like a drunk writing about a drunk, had to read it twice but still think it is rubbish.
Hey, don't get hung up on comments like one below, he's read all 5 chapters and then said that! That just doesn't make sense to me. If he didn't like it why didn't he quit reading with chapter 1? I think it looks like you've got one or two haters who are giving you a lot of flak and voting down your story, because in my opinion you should be getting higher scores. I think you've definitely got something and I hope you continue as I for one would like to see how this story ends. Obviously the hater does as well or they wouldn't STILL be reading! Well done, I'm hooked!
This whole story is rubbish.
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